2nd Edit:  I meant to say:  “…most people reading this might share…” his (Jay’s)view.

Edited to add:  The preferred title is:  Spirit.

snowshowers50  makes a good point.  Jay does sound condescending and I imagine most people reading this might share that view.  Up until things started happening that I don’t have permission to share I thought I was just supposed to be a way to get my acupuncturist, Steven, to fully realize his potential through the work he could do with me.  I had NO idea this was about me, too. 

This is what Steven came back with when we had been going over and over the issue of me vs God.  In other words I was having trouble understanding the separation when it came to, say, clearing energy.  I thought Steven was talking out of both sides of his mouth saying it’s all God but then turning around telling me the exact words I’M to use when addressing the infection that I had in my sinuses.

But God made it pretty clear last night who made the salad.   

I went back and found a quote from Steven (paraphrased to suit God).  I’ve been taking notes since 2000 on the back of whatever was handy.  It wasn’t until recently that I started keeping a notebook:

“The reason this is coming from you is Divinity has created the characteristics it needs to express itself through you and that in a very real way you are incredibly blessed.  Appreciate it.  Create gratitude.”

Edited to add:

I went through this line by line getting permission.  When I got to the part about making the salad I originally wrote “today we made a salad.”  That didn’t pass.  I had to change it to read “…God made a salad.”  Each time I used the word we or I, he made me change it.  I found that EXTREMELY interesting.  I mean, come on, I did all the work:).

In response to Jay’s Slag_Runner  comment on the last post, I stand corrected.  God says he is a he AND a she.  I’m going to continue to use He, as that feels more familiar.

I tried to get information about whether or not he found Jay amusing but I was denied permission. 

Okay, the lesson I learned yesterday was that when I get an answer to something and I come back later and want to rehash it — I’m always rethinking everything — God’s not playin’ that game.  He cuts me off.  It must be too akin to worrying. 

Today God made a salad.  It was a pasta salad and the dressing was better than anything I’ve ever concocted.  I went to the cupboard and looked at the top shelf.  This is what transpired:

Me:  There’s something here HE should use.

God:  Nothing (which means no).

Me:  Woops.  “It’s okay to get this information.”

God:  Yes

Me:  “Okay.  There’s something here that I should use.”

God:  No.

Me:  Hmmm, that’s odd because I totally got the feeling it was going to be a pasta salad.  I go back to the refrigerator to start with the dressing, thinking that will give me some idea of what he’s making.

Me:  “It would be beneficial for me to use” — Sour cream was the first thing I saw.

God:  Yes.

Me:  Ohhhhh.  Maybe I didn’t say it right and that’s why I got a no on the pasta.  I go back to the cupboard where all the rice and noodles are.  “It would be beneficial for me to use…” and I grabbed the first noodles I saw.

God:  Yes.

Me:  So it IS the way I said it.  There’s a difference between “It would be beneficial…” and “I should use…”  I pick up another bag of noodles, like elbow macaroni only slightly bigger but smaller than the first bag, and get another yes.  I think maybe he’s playing with me again and go for some white rice.

God:  No.

Me:  So he IS making pasta salad.  But why two mismatched noodles?  I lay them both on the dining room table and point to the bigger one.

God:  No.

Me:  Then I pick up the smaller noodles.

God:  Yes.

Me:  Wow, God cooks.

Some of you may remember my mention of a medical intuitive.  He is an acupuncturist who started being able to actually feel the vibration of the energy he could tap into with his needles.  Then he started feeling the emotional make-up of that energy. 

He would always take your pulse — That’s like when the nurse times your pulse.  But what he was doing was going through the different organs, first with the right wrist and then the left, and getting a sense, through the pulses, of what state, for example, the liver was in.  He could tell through the vibration how healthy it was and even what your emotional state was.  The liver corresponds to anger on the negative side and I can’t remember the positive.  (That’s Taoist thinking, to which I subscribe).

Anyhoo, over the years, he started experimenting with using his own (divine) energy to heal me.  At first he would use his right hand, placing the palm over the pain, hovering just above the skin, but as of late he uses his intention.  That sounds a little vague, I know.  I have been a practicing Taoist since 1995 and it’s taken me up until recently to be able to use my mind to contact the pain. 

I now know how to do some of what he does and that includes getting a yes or a no to questions, if I have permission.  And that’s from God. 

It’s been an exasperating process because I keep forgetting to ask permission.  Or I’ll ask wrong.  You’re supposed to make a statement that could be true or false.  Not pose a question.  A yes feels like a burst of energy has rushed to the top of my head.  That’s if it’s a resounding yes.  A no feels like nothing. 

It’s different for my acupuncturist.  A yes for him looks like nothing but he feels the same rush to the head whereas a no is very obvious to me in that his head jerks to the left.  My head does that when I unlock whatever is stuck and causing me pain.  The minute I contact and release it I get that jerk. 

I imagine this all sounds pretty bizarre to most of you but I’m just sayin’ it’s a whole new world.  I ask about what I eat, what I tell people, what I spend my time doing; there’s pretty much nothing I don’t ask about before I do it now. 

The down side, and really it’s positive, is that I don’t drink AT ALL now, nor will I ever again, as long as this keeps up; that I only eat what God approves of; and in general my behavior is all subject to his scrutiny.  But then it always was and I just didn’t realize it.  For some reason I don’t mind.  I like the guidance. 

And God’s a hoot.  It’s just that there are a lot of people I don’t have permission to talk to about it, like two of my kids and most of my friends.  So I was a little shocked that I had permission to write it here.  Maybe God wants to come out:). (Either he thought that was amusing, too, or he does want people to know because I got a little rush).

Party, party, party.  What a whirlwind week.  My favorite was where some of the better recorder players in town gather for a BBQ at this guy’s house.  He used to host this same party in Maine or somewhere in New England but quickly found us when he moved to Portland.  Everybody brings something yummy to share and we take turns sitting in.  We start at the beginning of this particular book of music and go to the bitter end.  The pieces get harder as you go along.

The job is going well but they still haven’t told the guy I’m replacing.  They’re afraid he is going to get pissed off and quit and they need him to teach days.  Meanwhile I sit in the 60s-80s room, reading with this adorable young lady I went to school with.  She was kind of a pill back then but has grown up to be a wonderful person and we enjoy each other.  It makes the class more fun for the students, too.

So you’re going to think this is crazy but I’m going to Alaska in time for my Saturn Return.  My brother’s girlfriend is an astrologist and she has shown me how much better my chart looks if I am either in Bali or Alaska on this particular day in September at the hour I was born. 

The planets all conjunct each other in a better way which will make the next 28 years much smoother than if I stayed home.  I say it’s worth it.  Even if that’s a crock I’m still gonna believe it so I expect things to go my way.

Remember that black slip-like thing I bought?  Well, I have another date with this guy I met at the beach.  (Last week I spent a couple days there, looking at property, and one night we had dinner.)  I’m not quite sure how available he is but that works for me.  His ex-wife is making like she might want him back.  But I don’t expect that to be a problem and it’s a good excuse for keeping things platonic while I figure out how much I like him. 

All in all things couldn’t be better.

Last week I quit drinking and eating at happy hours.  I’m not drinking at all and I’m cooking at home again.  Whew.  I don’t see how people do it.  It was fun and my brother and sisters and I really got reacquainted.  Every day since June 17th we worked on getting my mother set up and every night some of us would get together and compare notes and plan who was taking care of what the next day.  Somehow I was always there.

Now I can’t wear some of my summer clothes and the thought of fried food gags me.  I even went to two parties, one in the heat of the day and one tonight, and only once did I glance longingly at someone’s drink.  I’m over it.

The party in the afternoon was a street dance.  The woman I used to teach bellydance to and her husband, along with two of their neighbors, have a band.  For years they’ve been having a block party.  My friends are always busy hosting so I sit with this married couple and more recently they have invited his best friend and the wife.  I don’t even feel like I’m the odd-man-out with these people.

Over the years the music has gotten really good.  Tonight they had a world-renowned pianist from Japan who played keyboard while this guy who used to be in one of the top bands in Oregon played harmonica.  They were playing tango music and they were fantastic.  One of the guys in the blues band  he’d been in knows my friends and sits in with them sometimes.  They hold a jam most Friday nights in their basement.  The neighbor who is also in this basement band owns a place where a lot of good musicians play so that explains the top entertainment we heard.

The married couple always bring me a wine glass from their house and he is quick to fill it with a good red so it threw him off that I wasn’t drinking.  He and his wife are the nicest people.  He reminds me of John Updike.  I hope she didn’t mind that I talked to her husband so much.  We were comparing stories of our parent’s demise.  He’s such a great guy.  She’s lucky.

As their kids have gotten older and younger people have moved into the neighborhood the number of babies has increased.  Before there were none and tonight they were everywhere.  I can’t wait to have grandbabies, not that any of my girls are married.

I left around 8:30 to go to another street dance.  They billed it as that but really it was a band in a beer garden.  Some of the high school people said they were going to meet up but I didn’t pay attention to when, assuming it was when the band played.  But the only person I ran into was the baseball coach.  Remember the guy who housesat when I went to Florida?  I’m sure fond of him but the music was so, so bad I had to leave. 

Shoot, I keep forgetting to tell you about Alaska.  Next time.

There is trouble on the foster-care front.  Not that I care, particularly.  My little sister (10 years younger) gave my mother a pedicure last week — It gives me the creeps just thinking about touching her “hooves” as my sister referred to them.  My mother was so out of it she barely opened her eyes once. 

I guess she filed her nails and washed and lotioned her feet and Lois remained comatose the whole half hour.  My sister made some crack about spending an hour driving all the way over there and my mother being too drugged up to even notice.  Well, the Romanian woman whose business it is was so upset she called my brother, assuring him she would never give Lois anything not prescribed by the doctor.

My brother kind of likes that she’s drugged up because it makes his job so much easier while we wait for the conservatorship to go through.  He needs her to sign checks.  He doesn’t want her to know she’s paying for this place so we put up the money for the first month.    She’s so high she’s hallucinating and my brother just pretends like he sees the stuff, too. 

I agree with my sister that we should get the doctor to prescribe something not so intense.  My brother is over at that sister’s house tonight having dinner because his girlfriend is in Greece for a month.  I hope the drug thing doesn’t become an issue. 

Meanwhile the sister who drinks vodka has not been back to see Lois once, that we know of.  We sort of took her off the email list, though.  I guess the court visitor — They interview the petitioner and family, along with the respondent to make sure everybody is on board with the appointed guardian and conservator.  The woman had a chat with Robi… and got the impression she’d been drinking.  Two of us in our interviews mentioned the possibility when the woman brought up her unusual responses, saying Robi…’s tone was most like my mother’s (referring to the Queen of England act).

Anyway, that’s boring.  Let’s talk about my trip to Alaska.  Wow, I just scrolled up and realized this is already too long.  Later, alligators.

I went shopping after my dentist appointment.  Macy’s was across the street so I sauntered over to stay out of the heat.  I rarely go downtown so since I was there I thought I should see if they had anything I needed on sale. 

I get home from work kinda late, in clothes that I want to take off.  I’m suddenly interested in loungewear I guess you call it.  Stuff you don’t really sleep in but nothing you’d wear in public.  But you could water, say, in what I got.  They are drawstring pajama-style bottoms made out of nice material in a pattern you’d use to make a summer dress.  And then I found a short-sleeved cotton shirt to match on the sale rack that said 75% off. 

I was pawing through the next sale rack when something caught my eye.  It was hanging up on the wall and it was black and shimmery.  It wasn’t a slip and it wasn’t anything you’d sleep in.  I would call it a negligee, though I could imagine wearing it outside the bedroom if my intention were to end up there.  And that’s the point.  I bought it to put the intention out there.  Come and get it.

I’m concerned.  The person whose job I’m going to take is getting suspicious.  I’m only replacing him for night school.  He’s still going to be teaching days but the fact that he doesn’t believe I am just there filling in is becoming more apparent.  My teacher has put me in an awkward position.

I went to school with this guy.  He sat behind me and I never liked him so it’s easy for me to give him half-truths when he asks me what I’m doing there.  But I foresee trouble ahead.  J. is looking to retire and I think she would like me to take her place with the administrative stuff but I don’t want to be in a position to have to deal with this guy down the road.

On a happier note, I did great, reading tonight.  The night moved along quicker, and I enjoyed it more.  It’s the perfect sized classroom with just seven students.  Everyone seems comfortable with each other but I would like to create more of a group mentality.  Not quite sure how to do that in this low speed where they haven’t been together that long.

It was supposed to be 105 here today.  I was at the hospital and then AT WORK so I don’t know if it really got that hot.  Each time I find myself saying ”at work” I get all happy inside.  I’m having a terrible time keeping my ego at bay.  One of the staff at the hospital seemed surprised and impressed that I used to do that kind of work.  Maybe because it is so far removed from what I’ve done at the hospital.  She used to read my monthly column and was always kind.  Anyway, she got me all puffed up on my way *to work*.  I just read this last paragraph.  Jeez, I had no idea how badly I needed a job. 

Petition for guardianship/conservatorship filed:  check

The Romanians agreed to take Lois, even after meeting her:  check

Her doctor handed over the letter we needed saying she was incapacitated:  check

Plus, she qualified for Hospice, which means free hospital bed, 24hr RN on call, etc; all free:  check

We got her moved into her new Foster Care Home and she LOVES it:  Praise God and triple check. 

We are an awesome team and you know I don’t often use that but, really, we are.

Oh, and I got a job.

Never good to post when you’ve been drinking; dirty laundry and all.