February 18, 2008
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So, I’m back from the date. Actually, I’m back from the blues bar. Thank God for that place, as I always feel loved when I get there. The guy who hosts the jam — It’s his band — climbed down off the stage in the middle of a song to come get me and we danced. It was just what I needed. He’s never done anything like that. Usually, after his set is over, he gets the next group up there and THEN he asks me to dance. He’s a fantastic swing dancer (west coast) and we are good friends so it’s always a treat for me.
Those of you who know me well and know my medical history know what I had to tell the first guy tonight. We had arranged to meet at his favorite coffee shop which was situated between our two houses. When he got out of his car to greet me he got up real close. He has a tummy and I just naturally put my hand there. He kissed my cheek and I got in his car. This behavior was NOTHING like our last meeting where he’d been distant (maybe because he was sick). We conferred about where to go for dinner and he left it up to me. I chose a restaurant that I knew was one of his favorites which meant we didn’t have to drive, as it was within walking distance. We crossed the street, hand in hand, and I knew how it was going to go. He paid for dinner, which I NEVER let a guy do, and all through dinner we each knew it was a go. Little did he know.
When dinner was over we didn’t want it to end so we drove around. He needed gas and was looking for a quiet little neighborhood place where we could go for a drink. Or maybe he was looking for a place to neck. Do people still do that? Once he got gas I started to panic. I had to tell him before he kissed me. It was feeling like I should have told him before but he sort of disappeared on me and now all of a sudden we were talking about future plans.
He found a place he knew, and, as he was parking the car, I brought up the fact that I had something to tell him. He took it worse than I thought. His mother had had breast cancer, and I could feel the fear well up in him. But I launched into my schpeel about how it was the best thing that ever happened to me, and, after all these years visiting with patients in the hospital, I have it down. Because it’s the truth. We sat in the car talking while the place locked up — I could have used a drink about then — and slowly he seemed to take it all in. But he seemed deflated. He had been pretty excited in his cool way during dinner but, while I talked, the enormity of the responsibility he imagined seemed to weigh down on him. Or something did.
When I felt like it was safe I said something to wrap it up, and we drove back to my car. I opened my side, matter-of-factly. I didn’t know what to think but I didn’t want to act like I had any expectation at that point. He seems like the type that would have to think things over. He must have jumped out in a hurry because he met me in front of the car and we hugged and he kissed my cheek again. Then he kissed me on the mouth. I knew he’d be a good kisser, and I just went with it. I haven’t kissed anyone in a very long time, and I’m comfortable with this guy. Plus, I think the powers that be urged me on because I kissed him in a way that made him — He made an appreciative noise. I forget what he said as I was getting in my car but it was good.
When I got home I got nervous, though. That’s when I decided to go to the blues bar where I am loved.
Comments (9)
I hope that he’s a gentleman and absorbs this information and you all carry on. Hang in!
Reading this early in the morning, ahh, it is juicy! I cross my fingers and hope every thing will be well.
Oh man, I love… “appreciative noise”s.
You’re so delicious, Prudy!
I believe I can relate to this… Though I know, our situations are not the same and I do not mean to suggest that they are, we all have some sort of struggles and or limitations in our lives and it is the way in which we ourselves deal with them that matters. Because for a long time I could fake it… I struggled with “when to tell” the men that I am dating that I have R. And now when to inform them that I lost my eyesight seven years ago and ended up at the Colorado Blind school and that by all medical standards I am still blind; and though I drive now, that I do not drive after dark or on really cloudy or rainy days. I can understand men choosing not to share a future with a blind woman…and I have learned not to take it personally.
I usually choose to not date a man when I hear that he has young children and an X-wife that is still in his life on a daily bases. I know that this may sound cold…but I know my limitations as a caregiver/partner; there is just too much I want to do with my life to take on that kind of responsibility. And then there was the breakup between R and myself. I not lonely lost R. I lost his beautiful daughters and is wonderful X-wife. I love them and miss them dearly to this day.
RP is part of my reality…and it is what has brought out the best in me, and like you stated “It is one of the best things that ever happened to me.” I know longer think about it really, either a man sees that my blindness is mine…and that though it creates some limitations I am powerful, sensuous, loving, intelligent woman who brings a lot to any relationship…and if he cannot see that…then he is the one who is blind.
Enough Rambling for today, if a man can and will open his eyes and heart, he will be able to see all that you bring to the table. I wish you the very best my friend.
Hugs, Ashes
…taking it all into consideration I think the “appreciative noises” tops anything/everything else he said/did. ‘Means there’s definitely chemistry at work.
(I am loving your newfound urge to write and share– makes me want to do the same.)
I am very glad you went to the blues bar afterward. There was too much of a question hanging it seems with him and I want you to feel loved and sure of it!
I’ll stop yelling now.
It’s weird you know? He has to take time to think about it only because it is something visible. How many things would you or anyone have to take time and think about that are unseen and only come out after the good behavior stops? Not that he shouldn’t take time. I remember the guy who was so into you that he didn’t give it a thought. Maybe this is better actually.
Thank you so much for writing about it. If you choose to share how it goes I will be eager to read it. In any event, huge hugs to you. Having to do it is this added crucible that is good but it also has to be draining. I AM glad you danced.
^ I agree with Boo. I am glad you are able to share. I am now working daily with cancer patients, and hearing their stories is what drives me. Keep sharing! It is good for all of us.
that’s a lot to absorb so soon, but at least you were upfront with him (pun intended). he has the info he needs to make a decision about continuing forward or backing away and there’s nothing you can about his thought process. you were honest with your own tho and that’s a big thing.
Oh, Pru. How excruciating for you, knowing through the evening that you had to, not sure, wanting to enjoy ‘before,’ and then the response, you were feeling his feeling the whole while, including his mother’s cancer, the weight on him, and that delicious and beautiful kiss afterwards, reading your entry was so tense for me, I only want you to be happy, loved, content, and if he doesn’t, you know the fierce sister-soul in me, but then again, such is life, and love, and who knows how it will all play out. The dance never stops, and you’re a great dancer and swing partner, and whatever happens, a lovely evening that you have so stunningly written about here, touching us all in our hearts. Thank you. xo