June 15, 2005
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This is how safe I feel here. I am going to show you the poem I wrote for my daughter’s book on color, knowing nobody but her English teacher would see it and think it hers. And the point to my showing you is purely educational.
My first question is why does it look fine until I hit submit? Because placement is everything here, how do you move things around?
Secondly, I seem to have arrived at some sort of rhythm, do you call it meter? I don’t think so I think meter is how many lines. See, I don’t really care for poetry, or I didn’t. But when I did that first one for Bella it was pretty satisfying. I was so busy looking at the constraints I missed the opportunities. And something about the whimsy appeals to me.
But my rhythm falls apart at the end. But I like the end. But it’s the end so I don’t want to create a second part with this new, shorter rhythm. Poetry’s hard, huh.
Anyway, here’s
Jewels in a Pot
I promised I wouldn’t, not at this house.
Ferns and trees and an acre of bushes.
But spring came and perennials bloomed: daffodils, tulips, and iris.
Then they were gone and the garden was bare, and somehow my car found its way to the nursery.
“I’ll just look,” I said to myself, fondling the pansies and trailing lobelia.
Like jewels in a necklace, my flowers in their pot:
yellows and purples and shades inbetween.
Every morning as I back out
I slow down to take a look
at that broken promise
of jewels in a pot.
Comments (22)
I really like this ending… can’t you keep that promise?
I slow down to take a look
at that broken promise
of jewels in a pot.
I like it.
beautiful!
I really like the conparison and contrast of jewels and flowers. Hey,for me, I just write them and present them. We are friends here and what you wrote speaks to me and I consider that important. Now if you want to publish etc. – I am of no help, sorry.
I really like this poem – you’re a poet, Pru. The fine, tight images, the sensuality spilling out, the something ineffable, spirit perhaps, working its magic in the words…
Do you subscribe to the Writer’s Almanac… I find many of the poems too “safe” but enjoy the inspiration, the way I’m moved by them… poems Powell’s sends out… (of course you’re on the list, you’re in Portland!)…
*hugs xo
Sensuality indeed. It feels like you put your heart on the line – in this and everything you do. I’m glad you feel Safe here.
I don’t think poetry is about meeting some cryptic standard…
I once wrote a poem about poetry, talking about how it is life, and I see no rhymes there.
That is great work! My mother’s book of poetry is now available at the library! (Which I’m guessing means it can be checked out anywhere, once it’s in the system?) She writes like I do…in that if it rhymes and has all the iambic pentameters going on…great! If not, who cares! lol! Poetry is to be shared…and enjoyed. I don’t think it has to be constricting. I can’t write like that, anyway. Well, I can, but I don’t enjoy it, if it restricts the flow.
I thought that a wonderful thing to write for your daughter. Did she have to explain what “she” meant by backing out? hehehe
I love you…GFW
I love this poem. It feels very real, very authentic. I had a teacher who once said, “Novelists are failed poets.” Distilling the essence into a poem is hard work, but it’s worth it. I wish you’d try some more poetry. There are no rules except that you write from your heart about the images that capture it.
T
Jody, the person who runs HenLit is away at a conference and can’t be right on top of things with your request to join HenLit. She said she’s doing the best she can but won’t be back until Friday. PLEASE be patient. Your post on the HenLit comments section goes out to people who can’t do a thing about approving you for the list.
Anyway, they want you to participate on the mailing list to get to know you before blogging. I don’t know why–it’s not my list.
here’s what Jody says:
” I approved the two people listed above (addresses deleted for privacy on the Web). Dorothy is the one approving people for the blog. But she gets the names only when people post to the actual hen lit list that they want to join the blog. And if a member doesn’t participate on the email list, they don’t get approved for the blog. We have to know who these people are before we give them access.”
So, let me know if they even got your correct e-mail address. When I never heard back from you about it (except the comment on my blog), I assumed all was well.
Best,
Lynn
Ooooh, I really like this one! Some promises are okay to break
Nice rhythym.
To first question: It’s all trial and error. What you see in your edit text box is not always what will display on full screen once you submit the post. So set it up to start with and then post “private” so you can see how it will look, see how far from ideal it is, then adjust and readjust. I also found that some placements within posts view differently on different sized monitors with different screen resolutions… that’s a lot of different!….we have three computers so I sometimes run back and forth and check a photo setup, for instance, on all three.
The rhythm is the intuitive part of this kind of poetry. You hear the words in your head and you hear how they sound together and it’s the pattern of them that says to you, “leave that just like that, it sounds exactly right.” Chances are pretty good if your brain likes the sound pattern, others’ will too. I love spoken poetry for that reason, it lends itself to breaths and pauses and run-ons for emphasis, etc. It is the variation of it that appeals to me. I’m not so much the metered rhyme lover, the stuff that sounds like church hymns – too singsongy.
There’s so much about poetry to like. You wrote this for a scrapbook on the subject of color and this so succinctly describes the unbidden value color has in our lives – even firm resolve not to give in to the inclination to splash it in the bare spots can’t keep you from letting it make its way in anyway. Against your will. Flowers and colors are the jewels in our lives, without them our brains see barren monochrome. And protest.
Lovely poem, really lovely.
You’re a good mother
My kid is 13 and had to write a play for his English project. I hope ‘we’ get good marks 
I guess I just can’t write a short comment.
And you should feel safe here. You’re with all of us.
Very nice!
I like that! I like the word choice and the way it sounds – I know nothing about poetry so I don’t know how to define what I like or how to make it happen for myself. But each year I try and tell myself no more plants but it’s hard to say no.
RYC – I’m so glad you wrote – I thought of you as I wrote that post and I wondered what you would think, I didn’t know if you’d had reconstruction or not and I didn’t want to offend. So thank you so much, it’s good to know more of your story and also of how it’s worked out for people you’ve helped care for. I’d been thinking but didn’t dare write “Do you see men having some painful, dangerous testicle reconstruction surgery? Just so they would look “normal”?” Seems to me no matter how vain, they’d be inclined to say well, I’ve got one ball now, deal with it. But you know, maybe some men wouldn’t. I hate to generalize. Anyway, I also didn’t mean to trivialize the emotional difficulty of losing a breast or two – my mom only lost part of hers and she didn’t have much to lose, it happened right after she lost my dad to another woman and it was like twisting the knife for her – like really adding her her selfdoubt about love and her body. But she healed up from both ok. Never has managed to find a decent man though, and I doubt it has a thing to do with her breast.
Nice flow and story. Glad you posted it.
you paint a poignant picture here with the rich dichotomy of thought…well done!
write on…
paulygrl
Ryc: Yes, that’s my pooches tongue and nose- the whole photo is nice too.
Thanks! Go to: http://www.geocache.com you use a GPS to plug in coordinates and it’s like a treasure hunt- they are EVERYWHERE! We actually went through Portland, found an obscure nice park and finally found the cache wedged between rocks where anybody could find if you happened to be looking there. 
We’ll usually try to find one everywhere we go travelling. K
RYC: That condo is my for my son, who is a college student. We are still living in a house in the suburbs. (barely the suburbs. We are three blocks from the city border.) We have cats here at home and he can see them any time he wants.
Lynn
RYC – Her voice was really clear in my head for some reason. It wasn’t deliberately “ethnic” but it sounded a lot like my grandmother’s who was from that same part of Florida and roughly the same age. She had a sweetness of talking that could hide a lot of daggers.
RYC: I would have no way of knowing if they read my xanga blog or not. But it’s always a good idea to give the link so you get more readership. the more the merrier!
Lynn
ryc: I adore my kid. I may be a Scorpio, but I have a Virgo moon and Aquarius Midhaven…and he’s a Virgo, moon in Aquarius…and we both have Venus in Scorpio. Lots of emotional stuff going on with him that I so get. I do have to curb my possessive tendencies…but Scopios will spoil their children while setting the bar high for them. I am so guilty…but I cave easily, too. *smile* If nothing else, I’ve taught my son the cool art of negotiation. hehehe
With just the one kid, I know this is the one shot I get…and I don’t intend to screw up. (Talk about setting the bar high! LOL!) He really is my pride and joy…and I so love when he lists the things he likes…and I get named first. I am so honored. *sigh* Being in my Moon Time makes me emo…lol! But if there’s anything that I love so much, it’s that kid. *smile*
I love you, too…GFW