March 12, 2005
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I am completely obsessed with the re-write. I have come here two nights to tell you things but each time I stop and delete. It’s not good enough.
Has that ever happened to you? Normally I am happy to sit here and ramble, try to pull it together along the way. But now that I spend my time pouring over the little details of semi-finished work, blogging feels too sloppy. I can’t get into it. Actually, I’m starting to feel it a little now.
It’s like when my husband would be in the mood but I wouldn’t feel close enough, and he’d have to slowly pull me in with a little touch here and there. Maybe I just didn’t feel close enough to you, after being gone these last two nights.
So I went to see A Million Dollar Baby tonight with my youngest. When we were walking back to our cars I said, ”It made my stomach feel bad.” She said, “Yeah, me too.” I thought about it on the way home, about making my one death scene more gruesome. I don’t really have anything that’s wrenching and maybe I should. What I’d rather do is make sure the dialogue is as intimate as possible.
I’ve been thinking about the “real writer” comments. And I decided I definitely am a real writer. Just like I’m a real gardener and just like I was a real bellydancer. I thought about the people in my writing class. Nobody has been paid a dime but there’s a woman in there who could be selling children’s books. There’s a kid who I believe will be a famous author and there’s an old man who, if he had a little therapy, could be published. They are all real writers and everyone in the class knows it.
I’ve signed up for the advanced class and need to work on what the teacher calls my portfolio, which is due Wednesday. More editing: my favorite.
Comments (8)
I haven’t seen Million Dollar Baby yet, but I understand it has that effect on some folks. I’ll keep it in mind for when I see it.
BTW, I’m a beast with the rewrite, too. And you are a real writer, just as we all are.
I definitely have felt that about being sloppy- starting to write and then deleting- I hope you get that closeness back, *rub rub* :0) I have been enjoying your posts so much. And I am glad you are taking yourself seriously as a writer. I hope to one day do so as well… I know that blogging has really gotten the juices flowing and I find more and more subjects that I would like to type out in words. Funny since, the night I wrote about the Homecoming, I was at a loss on what to write but I knew I wanted to write… I have been thinking for years I would like to join a writing class. I have subscribed to magazines on writing and written all sorts of articles even joined an online writing site- not blogging journals- at one time, but have never gone further with it. I am feeling the ‘further’ will come with time. My thinking: shouldn’t I right now- concentrate more on my ‘real’ photography career? Or am I woman enough to be both of these creative outlets. Now I am rambling… One more caress for you… :0)
i can one finger left hand type…. need to go get xray today….
I miss you…I come here and get a lump in my throat while reading your words
I never thought I would be offline this long…xanga …and you Pru are such an intricate weave in my
existance that I feel like I have lost a limb….I have no time for comments…not on someone elses pc…and i am most aggaraveted inside myself at this mere inconvience…but i had to say hello to you this day
much love Dorothea
Writing… is a blessing, but at times, seems it too, can be a curse. Getting into the right mood for it to flow can be a tremendous hurdle.
you are a real writer:) good to see you saying it too and believing it:)
bloggin is one thing I never rewrite, I want to be able to look back a little later and see what was really on my mind, the pureness of it…whether I was happy or angry…usually when I write here, there is no forethought, its just emotion…and for me, thats good, a sort of therapy
Since I starting blogging to get myself to write that book of prose poems in the first place, I fully intend to print out and cull and edit a number of pieces in a year or so. I edit mercilessly. Sometimes I’m sure I go into a post 50 times to change a word, or rewrite a phrase. It is getting easier to write the way I want with less rewriting. But I’ve recently hit a wall, though. Can’t seem to get past it. Time for some time off. The writing that I want to do will come back, with time and patience. These slave trade temp jobs don’t help any either! They don’t leave me enough time for everything…kids, meals, reading, writing, exercising…
Yes, Pru, you are a real writer. Your blog is so warm and honest and well-written and it’s always a joy to be here… don’t worry about rewriting your blog entries!
Keep sharing, and, hey, that’s great about joining the advanced class. This is so exciting!
Hugs! xo (I did read a book today, and am happy about that- feels like a minor accomplishment)
I don’t think you need anything wrenching. For what it’s worth, which is probably nothing, I thought the wrenching scene in Million Dollar Baby was overly sentimentalized and therefore fakey. I prefer things that sound real, but aren’t.