February 9, 2005
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My oldest daughter stopped by for breakfast, and I’d just read jerjonji‘s post about real-life friends vs on-line friends. So I was remembering sitting at dinner with that old friend I told you about, at her little house I’d been in 20 years ago. I was telling my daughter, “It was odd because I was surprised at the distance I felt. I actually feel closer to my new xanga friends.” And after we moved into the living room and her little one got a bath, we talked more intimately but this day-to-day stuff where we know what’s going on with each other and like my daughter said, “you probably are cheesier, saying more from the heart exactly how you feel, plus you are at home cozy and comfy.” So, yeah, that adds to the comfort level I feel with you. But reading Jerjonji’s comment made me think again about pushing myself to get out more and cultivate new friendships with people who live closer to me. On my walk yesterday, there were lots more people and every last one of them stopped to chat. On the west side this is unheard of. And maybe it’s because I’m new and maybe it’s ’cause my puppy is “CUTE AS HELL.”
There was this guy who looked like a bum; he had on clothes you see guys on Burnside wearing, odd colors and stained. That’s where the homeless live here. But he was walking a Bouvier des Flanders, and when he talked I could see he was gentle and kind and interesting. He was crazy looking though with wild hair and lots of big capped teeth. But he was happy and interested in life, curious. It was like someone who climbed out of cave and was looking around to see what he’d missed. Then there was another guy on a bench sitting in front of the river, just watching the water. And he was still there an hour later when I came back. He actually did seem homeless. But what a great place he had there and what better way to spend your day. The quality of that guy’s life is far superior probably to a lot of guys he went to high school with. He’s got nothin except what God gave him and that’s all he needs.
I kind of got off-track there. But my point was that I want to meet some real-life friends who would enjoy hanging out at the river with me.
Comments (10)
I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel like the distance between me and my friends is too great, and would require too much work to close the gap. The problem is that I don’t want to join any clubs or classes that would introduce me to new people, so I put in the work with old friends, and rarely ever find any kind of resolution.
*sare*
i’m too restless to sit and watch anything for an hour… but i’m impressed by those who can… and the puppy is a good icebreaker, for sure! lead on and let’s see where our real world adventures take us… i’m going to the 75 cents movie by myself!
you desires are completely understood
as much as I love xanga I love the
sight of the sky a bit more…the feel of the wind and air
the sound of the kids and the way someone looks when you make them
smile…yea I know what u mean Pru…
Wow, do I ever understand. I’ve made myself too much of a ‘recluse.’ I need to get out and see the sights, breathe in the fresh air (cold), and live life. For some reason, I’ve had a hard time making real friends, but feel so surrounded with love here–but still…
I’m with ya on the wanting to meet local people perse, but I’ve made so many friends over the years online that I now visit, chat on the phone with, hell, even married my sweetie whom I met online:)
Aside, I love the way you describe your walk and the people along the way. I could see it happening and I read on.
The online stuff tends to wax and wane. I agree it’s important to meet people in real life. I enjoy my online life because it fills in when I am stuck at home…while the babies are napping…while the husband is watching Reality T.V….while I’m waiting for the mail or the man who is coming to fix the gas leak…it’s nice to have a social life that can come and go completely on my own terms. I think a nice rule of thumb is never to pass up something you WOULD have done, in the real world, back before you met your online friends, just because you’d rather sit in front of the computer.
Sounds like you live in SW. If you lived over here in SE, I’d be glad to get together and look at whatever or have coffee, etc. I know what you mean about the comfort of xanga friends – I get great strength here and a sense of solace and stability. Nevertheless, I work at making “real-time” friends too. Those seem to take more planning and time slots.
I recognize the thread running through our lives…we love writing, and it is easy, now that we have found writerly compatriots, to enjoy these beautiful on-line friendships…but there is the pull, also, to finding ‘real life’ friends, or something like that. I, too, am in a similar situation, not knowing too many people in this city and still missing my friends from where I used to live. Xanga fills a need, and sometimes I wonder if I would be as much of a Xangan if I still lived where I used to and had the busy social life I used to have. Questions such as those aside, I am pretty happy with everyone I’ve connected to here. It’s quite satifying, actually. That’s a testament to everyone here! xo
I use Xanga like a vitamin suppliment. In what passes for the social ovals here, my friends and roadside attractions wouldn’t know a library if one fell on them. I don’t have interactions with suburbanites, mothers, writers, or any combination of the like. Xanga’s the sampler outside my petri dish. I enjoy the voices buffet here. A xanga conversation may be like a meal replacemant shake for looking into someone’s eyes over a conversation at dinner but sometimes it’s a very welcome sustitute.
Family and my job keep me from being a recluse but my best friends remain the ones from my youth. And my youth and my friends are far away. I’m grateful for the telephone and email that keeps me in touch with both. And I’m grateful for Xanga that inspires and brings me new acquaintances.