January 30, 2005
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I hauled wood in all day. Sitting by the fire with a fun book, I only got up to make crazy stuff like blue Jell-O, boiled shrimp, brussel sprouts — Wow, I’m really into the b food– Oh, and rice krispie treats with peanut butter. I ate all these at different times. I’ve given up the idea of meals, I just have snacks.
The novel is going better than smoothly. All I needed was a little alone time with my people. We are tight; it flows.
My girls came and went, the older two on the phone and the youngest in person. Her dreads look pretty good, I have to say. I don’t know what’s with this kid. She has the best hair of all of them and she’s standing in the bathroom, admiring her mess-of-a do, and she says, “Finally, no more shine.” She wears tattered clothes and not a stitch of make-up and she’s even managed to find a way to camouflage that beautiful hair. Oh, well. She’s happy.
And I’m happy. I’ve decided I want to be more whimsical. You probably don’t know this but I’m a huge smart-ass, and most people think I’m funny. I think I’ve been taking myself way too seriously on here what with trying to be a writer an’ all. As I got a little more comfortable, got a feeling for who you all were — I’m using “all” loosely– I began filling you in on my history. Then I got up my nerve and posted little bits of this and that: stuff I’d been working on. But now I’m more in the mood to ramble.
I think I’m feeling more secure.
Comments (6)
I love this…
this more comfy you…
as you can see i am feeling more me this day as well
more light hearted
I *smile*
I cooked for my son…he is married and still comes for
meals with me
just lovin life these days
It’s funny how your Xanga takes on it’s own personality, despite your ACTUAL personality, in real life.
Kind of creepy and weird, actually.
I hardly recognize the person reflected in my own Xanga.
Feeling secure is a good thing. It’s all about confidence and feeling good about yourself. Now if only Xanga would stop acting up…
i love blue food…. what can i say but blue food makes me feel happy… like it’s a party or special event… i think it’s bc blue food is a rarity and usually processed …. you don’t see rows of blue fruit (except when blueberries are in season)… so show us who you really are… we’ll like you… i pinky promise!
I have this friend, who is utterly beautiful. She started to realize that people treated her nicer than me when we were hanging out. If we went to the club and stood at opposite ends of the bar she always got served first. Waitresses never forgot her order, and teachers usually went easier on her than they did me.
So she tried something to test my theory that people treated her better because she was more beautiful. She didn’t condition her hair, and put it up in a messy up-do. She borrowed her sister’s prescription free glasses, didn’t wear make-up and she dressed in baggy clothes that hid her figure, she was still pretty, but no longer beautiful. In the month that she test drove her new look (she didn’t tell anyone why she was doing it), her “friends” stopped talking to her, her boyfriend cheated on her with one of her “friends”then broke up with her and she got to know a new crowd of people who didn’t care how she looked, and were actually interested in who she was, in what she said. She went out crusing the mall less and focused on studying more, her grades went up by 12%.
At the end of the month, she walked into school again with her make up done, her clothes just so (but somewhat more circumspect than before), her hair done all shiny and pretty, and without the glasses. Her old “friends” clustered around her, so happy that she’d snapped out of her “funk”, her boyfriend begged her to have him back. But she walked right by them and sat at lunch time with the people who she had gotten to know when she wasn’t one of the beautiful people. It was amazing watching the reactions of the kids in the caf, mystified that one of the beautiful ones had walked away from all of that glory and power, and gone back to sit with the little people, but my friend knew the truth. She knew that there were people who’d appreciate her beauty on the outside, and that there were people who’d appreciate her beauty on the inside. She made a choice, and decided to be with the the people who appreciated her beauty on the inside, and you know, she glows every day because she knows that her friends love her for her, and not for how shiny her hair is. I think that your youngest friend and my friend would understand eachother. Sometimes we have to make ourselves into society’s beast, in order for people to see our true beauty.
Plus, dreads are so in.
*sare*
No more shine. What a thought. Ah well, at least there’s blue jello…