November 11, 2004
-
I feel like I went to a party, where I didn’t know anyone. And because I didn’t know anyone, maybe I felt a little freer. Maybe I told stories I might not have shared with some of my more conservative friends. That’s the beauty of not knowing people, and that’s the whole point of blogging, for me. Just let it alllll out. Say what you goddamn think.
The next morning, of course, there might be a moment or two of regret. And this morning I am finding that sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut. But that’s the beauty of getting older. I was going to say that you just don’t give a shit like you used to, and that’s partially true. The sun is out, and I’m not going to worry about what I should or shouldn’t think, say, feel, be. If I offend you I am sorry. If I hurt your feelings, I am even sorrier. I never meant to. If I said something stupid, well, I am not surprised.
I have been spending a lot of time at the hospital. My mother is in there with a blockage in her intestine. That woman is a real piece of work, and,as I watch her interact with the staff, I realize how fucked up I must be. All this rambling –And it’s a real trip to see the ice woman on drugs –about smoking a pink cigarette, which matched her dress, at some party she went to when she was 30, when all they want is a yes or no, reminds me of myself. That I just lay myself out to you all must be painful to watch. At least my mother keeps it to herself. But that’s why I like Xanga. Nobody keeps it to themselves and I can always find someone to read who is maybe weirder than I am.
Comments (5)
One of the interesting features of your blog is that I only understand what you’re talking about one-third of the time.
That is the beauty of blogging and letting unknown people read your about your life. After you get it all out, that makes you feel freeer and better, about yourself and the world around you. You feel you get some energy, some patience, some tolerance to deal with the world again.
Wishing speedy recovery to your mother.
We are all weird. It’s what makes us human…and interesting. Letting it all hang out is good for us. More truth in the world can’t hurt.
Funny, but everyone seems normal to me and that I’ve realized is what I enjoy about Xanga the most– the beauty, humor and insight of the ordinary…
…but then someone told me once that I seemed to be living in a David Lynch Christmas special. Your normalcy mileage may vary.
Love this post and love the comments. Everybody sees normal differently. Like someone else sort of said, I like xanga because I can see that other people are just as strange as I am, and just as strange as everyone else. And the more I read, the more I realize that we are all so very similar, we just express ourselves differently.