October 31, 2004
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My party was a success. And I don’t know how old I will have to be to trust that going in. I had good reason to worry, though, because half the people on the guest list weren’t coming. Breaking up with your boyfriend two weeks before a party, a party thrown to introduce the families, is a quick way to change the dynamic. The original plan was to invite a lot of people, put them in costume, and let the two families get a small idea of who they were dealing with. Fortunately, I hadn’t invited anybody but the two families and my best friends so I decided to switch to an intimate mode and have a dinner party.
I made vegetarian and nonvegetarian soup, and buttermilk rolls from scratch. I made my special hot apple cider, and a carrot cake, but the best thing was I found an old-fashioned recipe for a sugar cookie that you decorate. There was molasses, cinnamon, ginger, cardamon and nutmeg in them, and they were chewy but firm; just perfect for decorating. The kids made orange frosting and put Halloween sprinkles on them.
I had a fire in the living room and after dinner we sat in there. My family was enthused by what a great house this is to entertain in and started scheming about where to seat everyone for Thanksgiving. The puppy kept everyone busy and didn’t eat anyone’s shoes.
Comments (8)
I just read this and I can’t figure out why it’s so choppy. Usually I’m okay with what I write. Please tell me what’s wrong, why it doesn’t flow. I have to know by tomorrow, when I can’t afford to sound choppy; when I have to sound like a writer should.
I read it a second time. Is this it? Is it because I am not being objective, trying to give a glowing report, so it doesn’t sound real?
Dont’ hold back.
You’re cracking me up commenting on your own piece! It sounds like a great party! Especially with all the soup and cookies! Ok let me reread and see if I see what you mean about choppy.
Choppy – I agree, but not sounding real – I disagree. Short declarative sentences=choppy or quick paced reading. The structure on many of your sentences is just very simple here: “party was a success.” “I made XYZ” But there’s nothing wrong with that – you just want to know what you’re doing when you write like that and keep it from sounding robotic. Which is doesn’t but it’s a danger if you’re writing like that invariably. (Or you can sound like Hemingway which worked for him.)
I don’t think it has anything to do with a lack of objectivity, I think its just a result of structure and sweet but shallow subject matter – you write about a nice day, which is great, I liked it! But if you got into why you broke up or quoted your family’s scheming to lure you into hosting turkey dinner, you’d have the same subject but a more complex array of emotions and sentences.
Does that help? You may not even read it the way I did – highly likely.
I thought this read fine for a blog entry – succinct, to the point, descriptive without being overly so, and it was captivating, too. I enjoy your posts very much for this reason. In a longer piece of writing, though, you might want to go into more detail, and find images to express the flow of emotions through everything. And there’s nothing wrong with doing that and posting it for comment, either. I consider Xanga a writer’s community foremost, and a place to catch up on everybody’s lives only secondary. So write and ask for critiques. It can only help us as writers to get other vantage points, opinions, suggestions…
I don’t think I am competent enough to critique another writer’s writing. But still,
I think you find it ‘choppy’ because there are a lot of details which you know you could have filled in but didn’t. Perhaps there is more about the party that you would like to tell us if you wrote a longer post.
But for me as a reader, it looks fine.
Your party sounds like a good time.
By no means did it sound ‘choppy’. Succinct would be more my description of your usage of short sentences. Nothing wrong with that.
Had to read your comments too:)
Looks fine to me, then again, xanga isn’t a paper in English…its however you wish to express yourself..whether you always use caps or never or just make random statements…its yours, thats what matters:)
As for your gathering it still sounds successful. The idea of cozying up around a fire after sounds soooo nice:)