November 16, 2008
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That’s odd, it’s been exactly a month. Again. Maybe it’s the full moon that gets me here. I’ve never kept a journal, aside from Xanga, and between being out of practice and my problem with organization, I’m hard-pressed to come up with a first paragraph.
I think this has happened before, though I can’t remember back that far. Really, I don’t know where to start. Maybe I’ll make a list. I like lists. It’s how I always get ready for things. I’ll divide it into the plus and minus.
Tango class sucks because the only guy without a partner is close to 80 and he can’t dance.
Derek and I are contemplating a new arrangement where I pay him to work on my house. I think this is what we both had in mind all along but already it is making things awkward. There are other reasons it’s awkward.
I found out he tried to borrow money from our mutual friend, this friend who is working two jobs so his wife can stay home with the baby.
I have given up voice lessons and am slightly disappointed in myself.
My commodity broker called me up, wanting to short gold when Derek was long.
I have lost sooooo much money in my stock portfolio.
I gained five pounds and had to buy all new pants.
It’s partly because I have been mesmerized by my new huge TV where I sit ’til the closing bell each day, taking notes, trying to understand everything they say. Then I watch two more hour-long shows where they dissect what went on.
I am pruning the shit out of my yard and have a pile of branches the size of my car.
I love the music at my tango class and my teacher turned me onto a place where she volunteer teaches on Fri nights and I can get one-on-one instruction there.
Have I mentioned that Derek is hot? Have I described his intense, huge, dark, liquid eyes? Sometimes I make the mistake of lingering there and he sees me see him and the conversation gets stuck for a second.
I am learning that Derek isn’t the altruistic guy he makes himself out to be. As he becomes friendlier I am questioning his motives, which makes me feel safer.
I sing tenor in church now and it is a relief. I don’t have to push myself to sing higher than is comfortable and the two other tenors can both read music.
I am getting more and more comfortable with the commodities trading and doubling my money with each trade.
I have enough notes to write a book about this bear market.
I have begun cooking up a storm, making all my favorite fall food.
The front of my house looks so much better and a guy is coming tomorrow to pick it all up.
Really, I’ve forgotten how to write. I can’t even think how to close it.
Comments (7)
oh you write wonderfully, the more you do it, the easier it will be…isn’t it interesting the older we get how we seem to question more other people’s motives? and that’s good…
so derek is a hunk? so is my new husband, ummmm. Who da’ thunk I would do this again??? Geez, go figure? Being with the same man for 40 years made me wonder if I could ever live with another man again…
this time, it’s my way…something novel for us women who always are taking care of someone else, huh?
Thanks for stopping by my friend; don’t stay away so long…I do wish you the best…take care, hugs
the sage
I can’t tell you how to write, but I know that reading and practicing writing, even when I know I suck, and revising on my own and/or with the conscientious assistance of peers, improves my writing. Derek sounds awesome, and your awareness and semi-wariness about him without being too bitter (not the right word, but you may understand) is even more awesome. Silly suggestion, but it’s actually come up in a lot of my conversations and thoughts lately so maybe it’s serendipity – do you have a treadmill or recumbent bike or something that you could slowly work on while you watch the stock market on TV? Several years ago I read about this health-conscious executive-type who arranged his office so that when he was doing computer work, he was walking slowly on a treadmill at the same time. He had the monitor raised to appropriate eye level, and I guess he had the keyboard and mouse in front of him as well. It sounded interesting. It not only kept him physically healthier, but he found he had a greater attention span and more energy for his work.
I miss you, Prudy. Not usually very consciously, but you and Jeri were two of my founding Xanga-aunts, and I really value you.
It sounds to my like you are just really, really busy and writing is not really a priority right now.
You are having more fun than writing
I wonder what kind of motives Derek has that makes you feel safer of knowing them.
You covered a month of living succinctly and in an interesting fashion that drips with style. That IS good writing. I will stay tuned for your summarized wisdom on investing in a market awash in uncertainty. So far my beanie-baby collection seems to be holding value and my NKOTB memorabilia collection is worth more than ever since the kick-off of their reunion tour but I think I need something more.
As for Derek, seek balance. If he is hot, is it because he is hot or because he has that rare combination of temperament, consideration, kindness, humor, courage, honesty, generosity and self-awareness that we want in a mate but sometimes measure too suspiciously to permit growth to maturity. Be open to your intuition but don’t be afraid to tell your intuition to shush if it rises to stridently or is premature in its conviction. I remain open to hurt in order to fulfill my life’s desire. I don’t want to be hurt but without risking pain there can be no opportunity for fulfillment.
My two cents : )
It’s kind of a relief that you have these times like the rest of us (or like I do anyway). And what you’ve written is easy to understand and it reflects the times you’ve been having. So many feelings of all kinds.
It made you feel safer to doubt his motives. I think I get that actually.
Every time the stock market goes wonky I think of you. So I think of you a lot. Still, by tone you do not seem to have let it overtake your spirit.
So…
Is Derek the one?
Best wishes for the New Year Prudy.