July 8, 2008
-
I’m lonely. And not just for the Canadian, for he seems almost a distant memory, but for the collective men I’ve lost. It makes me want to listen to Joni Mitchell. I’m back; I just put Morning Morgantown on. It soothes and feeds my mood, all at the same time.
People act like I’m overly suspicious. They say I’m too picky. I think it’s that I consistently attract men, I won’t say cads, but men who are adept at meeting their needs in business and in pleasure, who play by their own rules. And I’m all for being savvy in business, I just don’t like trickery.
And I’m not saying I was tricked, though it feels like it. All I know is that after a brief disappearing act, while he supposedly was weighing the pros and cons of sleeping with me (I told him to ask his analyst) I got this email:
“…Anyway, you are perceptive, we need to talk, things have changed for me and i don’t know how it will affect you and I going forward.You mean a lot to me and I want us to continue to be friends, however that’s going to work.I want to get together and talk. Please call me when you can.”The story he told me at the river was how he and his cycling “buddy” slept together (the day he sent the email), after a party at her house. This was the woman who told him, pretty much the same week he met me, that she was not interested in anything but training together. She’s a surgeon and he’s real impressed with doctors.I was happy for him. And I believed him when he said how stressful it had been. I believed the anxious questions: Would I still call him, could we still dance? He kissed me tenderly, suggesting we meet back at the river. I have not heard one word, except in response to an email asking if he was going Sun night, as I was considering going downtown instead. Was he letting me down in a way that would keep his options open down the road?It did occur to me that he knows I will be watching him to see how he behaves in a relationship, if he sneaks around behind her back. It’s more likely that he is falling in love. It’s been a very long time since he was in the arms of a woman who wanted him. She has welcomed him into her bike club and wouldn’t be sleeping with him if she weren’t serious. And according to him she hasn’t been in a relationship since her divorce four years ago. I wish them well.
Comments (5)
Oh, I’m sorry. That sucks. I don’t like trickery either. That’s why I don’t have any friends.
What pros and cons require consideration? You are a very attractive and sensuous woman. If the opportunity presents….I mean, come on.
And why would a married guy meet you clandestinely to describe his “conquest” of his cycling buddy? As though he could not control the animal attraction? It just happened before either of them could prevent it? And stressful??? Gimmeabreak!! That’s like a sick “Love American Style” skit. Acting like a heel and then turning his revelation into a whine that actually leaves you feeling sorry for him for having to bang some bimbo that left him feeling “confused”. He needs to man-up and make some decisions. I think he can not bear the thought of losing you but he can not bring himself to committ, and my guess it has to do with wifey and the home fires. Dr. Bimbo could very well be a total fabrication to support his headgame charade.
He is not treating you decently, Prudy. He is not kind.
If I sound pissed off, I am.
Oh, Pru! Big hugs!! Let me make a cup of tea, no pour a glass of wine and sit and talk…
My last dalliance turned out to be quite hard. The man I was with from late Nov 2006 to mid-July 2007 was having continuous sexual relations with another woman throughout our time together though he denied everything and just this year I received an email from her detailing their love life almost in clinical terms (wow were they together a lot, and did they ‘do it’ a lot! ouch) and it did me in! Mind you, it’s his style, I knew he was a womanizer, but I believed his story about monogamy. Sigh. Would I do it again? I don’t think so, though he surely inspired lots of juicy poems! I just finally released a series of poems I wrote when I was going out with the Science Professor, who I broke off with, and who I haven’t seen since Feb 2006, and think long enough has passed for me to release that sequence. Not asking you to listen! But you’ve triggered something here.
Many hours pass as we talk watching a West coast sunset, and it’s okay, we’re vibrant women, we love, are loved, and keep loving…
xo
Well that would make me lonely too and angry. I am glad you wish them well. That seems healthy. I’m not that healthy. I doubt she would be either if she knew he was considering another relationship at the same time. It does seem like trickery and suspicions appear to be validated.
I hope that her first relationship in four years doesn’t turn her bitter as cads seldom grow up for anyone besides themselves that I’ve noticed. But then the suspicious person in me thinks that the woman might not be all that innocent or in love.
User and abuser is my take…I didn’t like him from the get go..marilyn