June 27, 2008
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I’m having a bad day. I thought it was just the fact that I lost lots more money and next quarter doesn’t look much better but as the day wore on I lost people, too.
One was a woman, and, even though she’s not someone I’ll ever see, I felt a connection to her. I smile when I see her recipe several times a month and I remember, like it was my own, some of the things she’s written. I WISH they were mine.
One was Wally. He was one of the first to resurface, and we have been having such a good time together. I made it very clear, I thought, that I was only interested in friendship. I told him that very thing the first time we got together. But, the way he was acting yesterday, I knew he wanted more. We just got that all straightened out tonight. I won’t be hearing from him again. I adore him and will miss him terribly.
And I’m afraid the third one is the Canadian. We shall see.
Comments (12)
It’s just that kind of week. Bad here too.
Hoping the weekend will be better.
Namaste.
Well, on the bright side, the day is almost over. Wish it had gone better for ya.
“One was Wally. He was one of the first to resurface, and we have been having such a good time together. I made it very clear, I thought, that I was only interested in friendship. I told him that very thing the first time we got together. But, the way he was acting yesterday, I knew he wanted more. We just got that all straightened out tonight. I won’t be hearing from him again. I adore him and will miss him terribly. ”
Joyce Carol Oates would make a memorable short story out of this. Saul Bellow would turn it into a novel. You nailed it in one paragraph.
I’m sorry it was a rough time. I have a problem with friends wanting more than I can (or am willing) to give as well… It’s a difficult thing to deal with.
hugs
Siag is right. When I read that paragraph, I fell into a well of memories and thoughts about relationships and what attracts us and what our differing needs are and what we seek through each other. I sat here a good 15 or 20 minutes pondering these questions, gazing towards the window, sipping my morning coffee, listening to the birds with their chirpy lovesongs, and read your post again, and again was taken into that reverie of connections and disconnections and what it is we are looking for. Those of us who are out of the nest (of marriage), that is. Yes I pondered the other side, in the group of 60 or so I danced with last night, many people I’ve danced with for upwards of a decade, those who went home to their wives or husbands and how different that is. And I thought about what I want and the way I live and what my drives and needs are. And then back to your paragraph… even Joyce Carol Oates couldn’t do what you have in merely a few words. Beautiful. (not to say it’s easy, I don’t mean that!) xo
I feel the tearing of your heart in the reading of this. Maybe this is why I don’t care about reconnecting with people. marilyn
sorry for the bad day…and it’s best to be up front than to wait for the bigger mess later.
Wow…it must have been in the air or the stars…I was having a really rough day yesterday. Everything that I touched in the studio turned to poo poo. I only received half of my paycheck. I was bombarded with self-doubt and fear…that is just not like me…so I had to do a lot of inner work. I am sorry about your broken ”connection” I too have been going through losses lately…as I change and grow and move through this process. My life tilted waaaay out of balance but I am working to lighten up a bit…somewhere in there I forgot to have fun! Six weeks my houseguest has been here…far too long. I told her she has until the end of July…and then she is out of here. Now just maybe and forgive me if this is stepping on your toes…but maybe the gods and you are making room in your life for a longterm partner. You are such a beautiful, intelligent, creative, woman who seems to have a love and passion for life and a exuberance of spirit that I would think that you would do beautifully in the dance of intimacy with the right man. If that is what you desire.
As for myself…I spent all last week gathering (physical and mental act of my prayer of intention) items for my soulmate/marriage altar. I see for the first time ~without shame ~ my need and deep desire for a man in my life. I know call me silly, but I don’t want to travel the rest of this journey alone. But I am not willing to settle either… Oh why do I always ramble so…when I come to visit you here?
Love and hugs to you my friend, Ashes
Hugs to you–I hope tomorrow’s a better day, friend!
You make me want to write again… I mean real writing. How do you do that in such a short space? Follow this gift.
I’m sorry, Prudy. It’s been an odd couple of days all around. I hope you thrive through this.
Of course I have to read above to find out, and certainly I am very late in sending my sympathy and hope for a better day. It will get better.