May 28, 2008
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I remembered the other person. And I won’t say her absence was my biggest loss but I felt the most anxious about it. She was my first bellydance teacher, Orientale (as opposed to tribal), and someone I saw every week for four years and traveled with. I was one of the few people she trusted in the dance world. She is an extremely private person and her inner circle very small so the loss was more hers.
I thought it stemmed from the excerpt I sent her from my memoir, the part about her. I never heard back. Granted, she was traveling all over the world by then, finally making the big time. But last year, when I was in a writers’ group and I’d decided to switch over from the novel, I wanted to see what it was she objected to so I called her best friend, a dancer in Seattle who I knew well enough to ask.
She hadn’t heard one word about it and took it upon herself to call and find out. As it turned out my teacher was on her way to Portland to teach a workshop and do a show. She said she LOVED what I’d written and just forgot to get back to me. That was it. And I’m pretty sure I wrote about this but after my initial relief I was pissed. Our mutual friend urged me to forgive her and go to the show but I didn’t. People fawn over her and I imagine it’s gotten much worse. She owed me a big apology and I didn’t feel like making the effort to get it. Let her come to me.
Well, I got an invitation to the wedding. She’s coming home to marry her longtime boyfriend. I know her parents and all her family and would not miss this for anything. But I am nervous about seeing her.
Comments (9)
She does owe you an apology. I’m impressed by your strength of will, though. I’m too weak and easy on people. I’m so bad at holding on to stuff like that for so long. It’s so much energy on my part. I hope it’s a lovely reunion and a beautiful wedding.
not a reliable person… but aren’t most creative types that way? it’ll be interesting to see if your view of her has changed after all this time! ryc: if i were disciplined as a writer, i’d be published! sigh!
I contemplate to encourage you to see her, but honestly I would feel exactly the same way you feel:)
To forgive someone and let go is not the same thing as saying they are right. Forgive her so that you have nothing but peace in your heart and joy, when you meet her. She may or may not apologize. It doesn’t matter. To celebrate with her doesn’t mean you have to renew a closer friendship. If you are not holding any animosity toward her, you have no need to be nervous.
Hi Prudy,
There was a reason she invited you to celebrate her marriage. Perhaps she is remorseful over her shabby treatment of you. Maybe she has considered what, and more importantly, who, is important to her as she approaches one of life’s biggest milestones and realizes what she lost in your friendship. Maybe she feels a need to be forgiven by you. Maybe she just knows you are generous and is hoping for a self cleaning toaster oven AND fluted wine glasses. OK, now I’m being stupid…ignore the last possibility.
Go and enjoy. With your current run of luck, there is no telling who you might meet there.
Peace, jay
I meant to add, letting go is not the same as giving up…(smiling with my eyes)
Whether she feels remorse or not… It’s all about you.
It happened. She was shitty. Look where you are right now. You’re a great writer. Let that knowledge come from within you, not without.
You know… if I were you, I would just try to forget all about any disgruntled feelings and send love to her on her wedding day. It’s a shame she got busy and didn’t get back with you, but at least you know now that it was not an intentional slight. I know you could hold on to it and most people would say you’re totally justified. I just find that holding onto negative feelings like that just makes me feel bad and doesn’t help the problem at all.
I’m betting all the nervousness will dissipate in the wedding rush of things.I remember about her not getting back to you but not about her reaction to the writing. Glad it was good!