June 9, 2006
-
Huge progress, HUGE. And, again, Ellen said it best: “I need to separate out THAT kind of writing from THIS kind of writing.” I just did my first three pages of longhand for the book, in my new writing room. And I moved in a chair and ottoman and read a couple chapters from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I am used to making myself do at least 1000 words at a time but I thought I’d stick to the three-page thing, just to make it more doable at first. Maybe that is 1000 but I doubt it.
I got up and turned the light out. Standing in the hallway, looking back at my new room, it’s no bigger than a bed, and since I gave that to the middle daughter when she moved back to Portland it has sat empty. I originally intended to knock out some walls and make it a dressing room off the bathroom. That was lofty thinking and for the purpose of resale. After I decided to stay here I went to the Street of Dreams and noticed they weren’t adjoining dressing rooms so much now. They were keeping the option of a fourth bedroom and just lining the walls with built-in closets. I still need to figure out where to put a bathtub but it’s not going to be in my writing room.
There’s a sanctity about it; like great things could happen up there. Because it’s small and there’s nothing else up there but the secretary and little chair, along with the bigger chair and ottoman, there are no distractions. Also, it’s the cleanest room in this house and I’m going to keep it that way.
This is going to sound really obvious but I figured out the reason I’ve been dragging my feet is that the book is getting close to when I was diagnosed the second time. I talk about it every Tuesday so it didn’t even occur to me that I might be putting on the breaks. But when I tried to figure out why I might not feel as good about what I’d been writing lately I sensed that it felt more cut and dried, pure plot and less emotion. I think I used the word flat. I have this nervousness about it, like when I was going to have sex (when I was married) but didn’t feel close enough for the kissing. There might be other reasons like maybe I’m stalling now that I know how I’m going to end it. You’d think that would make it more of a go. I’m not quite sure what all’s going on but I’m going to find out. And I’m going to do everything humanly possible to get this book sold. And the previous one, too. I can’t wait to get back to that, it was so much more fun to work on.
Comments (22)
RYC: I like the familiarity. You don’t seem like any other friend in particular, but definitely like a friend.
And the writing room sounds so cool. A place of one’s own. We all need it! Even if we’re the only ones in the house. The public areas are different. I need to figure out a corner in my bedroom, which is not big. I have an old desk from childhood, one of those with the flip-down tops and cool little cubbies. It was my sister’s when we were growing up and I coveted it. Somehow I ended up with it after my niece was done with it. I should refinish it and make it MINE and use it. The folding up part sounds nice for a bedroom, so I can easily work there when I want to, but put it “away” later. Hopefully there will be more intimate moments in the bedroom when I may not want my writing hanging out for just anyone to see.
This is powerful: “I have this nervousness about it, like when I was going to have sex (when I was married) but didn’t feel close enough for the kissing.” Why is it easier to have sex than to kiss? Kissing is more intimate. You’re baring (sp?) everything I think in this section; that’s scary. But powerful. I’ve never written anything that made me think about my writing like you think about yours. That’s so cool.
I want a room like that!
And I think it’s strange how our minds work. . .you are putting on the brakes for a powerful reason, and I’m pretty sure my mind left right about the time we had to put my dad in hospice. So it seems our bodies are pretty good at protecting us, even if we really don’t need it, or at least don’t need it in the way it is reacting. So the question is – how do we let our bodies know we’re okay, and can continue living as planned? That’s a mystery to me, but I’m ready for the answer, because I really am tired of not being able to think clearly or focus.
I’m so enamored over you wrting room. I haven’t forgotten your challenge about creative writing course. Can’t wait to see/read your books.
re: TomBob…..he’s an old family friend and very, very gay! He’s settling in to living in Texas again after 20+ years in L.A. You can only imagine. He’s a very large soul.
The room does sound great. I try not to have sex if I don’t feel like kissing, but that hasn’t been a problem lately as hubby’s sex drive is way lower than mine these past couple of weeks. *whimpers* I didn’t write yesterday and I don’t know that I will today. It depends on if I’m inspired. Maybe I’ll read more of this book (since it seems my morning boss isn’t coming in) and see what happens.
Love the feel of the new space, so just face the ending and plunge in, you can do it, I know you can…marilyn
pain is a hard master. when on the other side of it, after we have jungle-chopped our way thru it, we can see its force for good. i will be happy to loan you my machete…
…and i hate to be dense, but it seems as if i am, but can you give me more of what you meant by the last comment you left? maybe it’s the pain, and i’m not working on all cylinders, but did you mean that you felt as if you were given a glimpse of me by the last post, when normally you feel as if i hold back? i ask because i value your opinions. you usually get the subtiltes of my posts when most don’t…
you’re still good with the change in expectations. i mean, as long as you say 1000 words or 3 pages or something concret that must be produced, instead of an hour or two hours, during which time you can sit and produce nothing.
sounds quite logical really
finishing it though…will be that much better for you, in more ways than one
i wish i had another room, it would be for writing and painting, all my art on the walls, surrounded by my inspirations and muses
“There’s a sanctity about it; like great things could happen up there.”
Beautiful and Clear! This is how I felt yesterday standing in the center of my new studio. I am not there today because I am called and drawn to my center for reflection and a planning session. I can feel your strength and determination through your words. It must be a time of the outpour of the Holy Spirit; like thirsty plants receiving water, we respond and grow.
Congratulations!
You sound so upbeat!! Very positive. Your writing room sounds so lovely. I would think it *would* get harder as the end approches…….I wouldn’t want to feel the end coming with a story I had laboured so hard on. But like childbirth, it’s so rewarding in the end!!
You sound sooo good lately, glad to see it. RYC: Yes, I do my own gardening, mowing, planning and landscaping unless Yvonne screw with something and plants some odd plant in the wrong place. Cheers
Ask yourself this question: what do you gain by stalling and not finishing the book? There is probably a reason – as you read further into Julia Cameron’s book, some of those areas will be explored.
You can do this! The anticipation and the anxiety are understandable. When you do reach that finished point you are going to have to give it a diagnosis and then listen to others do the same and that can be scary. Good lord, that idea stops many people straight in their tracks. But not you. It is great that you have a place to write and so sweet that you are doing it! And I swear I will follow suit too. I think that setting these specific goals of word counts is an excellent tool as well. This is huge progress. Congratualtions and this entry has filled me with excitement!
A room of one’s own to write in! What a luxury. I only wish…
I tend to take my notebook outdoors on nice days and write in the backyard. It’s very pleasant and the sun seems to energize me.
Advice from a great writing teacher I had: don’t limit yourself to a certain number of words or pages. Just write out a scene. Keep it going until the whole emotional content of the scene is done. Then you have a logical place to start at the next day (or next time you write). And never stop to reorganize. Just keep writing. It’s the only way to get it done. Revisions come later.
Lynn
RYC: I agree, at least Michelle and I are ok, there’s not much else I can see as a Silver Lining other than that..marilyn
I love your writing room! I hope to one day have one of those, that isn’t shared with any other people, large or small.
RYC: Yes, we kinda sorts bought a house and are moving into it at the end of the month. Kinda sorta = Husband’s mom bought it and we are buying it from her when we the bank will give us a loan. But still, we are VERY excited!
You got me writing morning pages again…. Thanks!
One thing I have always appreciated about you is that you approach your life in a self aware manner…you evaluate not only what you are doing but you look at the motivations you might have closely…I think you are going to work through this next challenge and continue to grow as a writer and a person.
Pru, you are not being bossy..its a good question…and one of the reason I am signing Joseph back up for a respite waiver program….you are correct I have to take care of me..but we also have to take care of the” us” in mr. and Mrs.
i almost always mistype WRITHING for “writing”….and when you’re REALLY writing…that IS the essence of it
RYC—i WROTE the literary equivalent, almost, of Dylan’s *Blonde on Blonde* or Jimi’s *Electric Ladyland* and whilst i never had any expectations of being launched into the dedalus spotlight of a Stephen King….methought there’d be SOME kind of audience…wrong again shitboy
A writer here too…the room sounds divine…..as to ending the story..that is just it..it is ending the story. YOu are part of it and it is part of you, and it is like closing a chapter in your own life, it is your baby.
Have a great day!;)
A room…how wonderful. It must be great to be able to have your own place to sit in your own unobstructed headspace.