April 25, 2006
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I had a late-night visit from the youngest and her new lesbian friend. I guess that would make her the girlfriend. This is someone she met off of Myspace. I remember my daughter placing the ad. Her best friend’s boyfriend had come back to town and my daughter was feeling lonely. She told me she was going to place an ad for someone to go to the movies with. I cautioned her about meeting strangers and she countered with “Well, you did it.”
I explained that I spent weeks writing, weeks talking, and then finally, we’d meet. I would know where they lived, where they worked, who their parents were, etc. When we got back from shopping she had a response to her add.
“Mom, what does submissive mean?”
I didn’t know what was scarier, that she had to ask or what this young man had in mind.
“It means he wants to tie you up first.”
So when she showed up last night with this broken young thing my first reaction was that it would be harmless. Somewhere around 1:00 a.m. I realized that it could be much more. I want to call her counselor but the counselor is a lesbian who has been giving her books to read by lesbian authors all year. This is a woman who hangs out with my daughter instead of sending her to class. Now my daughter isn’t even going to school. Knowing she’s graduating is enough for her. She has opted out of college, choosing to travel. That was before she met this girl.
“Darling, did you take a razor blade to that coat or what?”
“Oh, it’s just falling apart.”
“So you went into the restaurant like that?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Oh, no reason.”
When I was her age I showed up with a drug dealer who I thought was the coolest guy I’d ever met. He wasn’t selling pot at that point but it wasn’t long before he introduced me to psychedelics. I dropped out of college to live with him, once my dad decided two years was all he way paying for. By then I wasn’t all that motivated.
The late 60s, for me, was the same kind of departure she is taking. Do I regret mine? I don’t know. I don’t think so.
Comments (17)
You manage to make this sound ominous and harmless all at once – well, perhaps harmless isn’t the right word, but part of the cycle, life, the Tarot Fool, everywoman or man, starting out on a long and exciting journey of discovery (first to meet the Magician, but that’s another story). It’s the ominous part I’m worried about, but then I’m a mother too.
I must say that counselors that want to hang with your child is clear irresponsibility on that lady’s part. I believe these days girls think it is cool or hip to be lesbian, not that I am trying to say your daughter is or isn’t, but I have noticied way too many girls having one or two bad relationships and turn to a girl/woman instead. One such friend of mine turned because the ex turned out to be gay, so she decided to try women, doesn’t think she is gay, but hey the lady treats her right and has money…jeez Pru, I don’t know how these young people do it anymore. I’m calling you after 2pm..ok? marilyn
It is good that you have perspective on her current state – that is very hard to come by. I hope whatever she learns helps strengthen her and will give her what you have: Insight and perspective into the human condition. That can’t be bad.
oh tough – what can you do? … we all need to make our own mistakes at some point but I always appreciated anyone who was concerned enough to say their thoughts….
It’s hard to hold your tongue in situations like that. All you can really do is be there for her if things blow up in her face.
RYC: Yes, there’s a BIG show at the convention center May 5-7. The Creative Metal Arts Guild show. with 45 artists, plus the Oregon Potters’ Association, the bead society, the handweavers’ guild, and the glass artists. If you’re back in town on the 6th, come on the 7th.
It is hard to let them go and make their own mistakes. I have to say to my daughter this is your life. Even though I would like it to be different for her. You have a good attitude Purdy, Judi
I just wrote a long comment, and it was eaten by the Internet. Just as well, because I talked too much about me and preached. I agree with Brenda and with Judi and think about how my mother is trying not to guilt her children into anything. It’s always a delicate balance. I trust your daughter and you will come out all right in the end.
it made my head spin with the mommy nightmare possibilities, but then again, you just never know, right? good luck to all…
If my son, in his younger years, had done what *I* did in my younger years, I probably would have worried myself to death – but there wouldn’t have been anything I could have done about it, just as my mother couldn’t do anything about me. Fortunately, my son took a completely different tack, even being involved in the music biz just like I was. I feel blessed that I never had to deal with echoes of my own behavior in my son. We can never save them from mistakes, heartaches, or poor judgement. We just pray that whatever values we instill in them while they’re small are strong enough to get them through – and we give them a safe place to come to if they need it.
Parenting is mostly a waiting game: we wait for them to get through phase after phase after phase, even after they’re grown. I thank the universe every day that my son and his gf are not like the neighbors who just moved (who were the same age as my son.) If he had been that stupid I think I would have had to shoot him.
Just kidding. But I AM grateful.
Trust in the great plan and love your daughter – then let go. You and she will both be okay.
It is so hard to be a mother. God Bless!
I have a daughter fourteen who is already well on her way to teaching me things her elder siblings have not got around to..each child challenges us,,,and worries us..I think the most important thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open and let her know you love her which i am sure you are doing….
I think it’s beautiful how you have the knowledge of the details enough to worry, but you have the reflection also. Or it’s probably better to say wisdom. It’s obvious how much you love her. In this especially you are some kind of strong.
It is tough…it is very tought to let them make their own choices, andlet go of the dreams you have for them. Trust that she will be okay.
I am still learning.
letting go- tough tough thing… remembering how nuts we were can help!
my mom often tells me she doesnt agree with all my choices, but in the end, that they are mine to make…sometimes i had wished for a push, but looking back now, im glad she let me fail somethings and learn on my own, im all the better for it
and if shes anything like you, she’ll learn too..and appreciate it later:)
Sex n drugs n rock n roll get a bad rap from everyone over 40. Just becaus things are loud, illegal and piss other people off doesn’t mean they are immoral. Building a wall of convention is enough provocation for some to want to climb over to the other side; provide the ladder and they may come home for tea. Otherwise pack a picnic basket and go visit.
i like your dog its cute. i have a dog its name is bree its a girl its has black and brown on her