March 28, 2006
-
It’s 2:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about the fact that a friend of mine doesn’t see me as well-adjusted. I would go as far as to say I might very well define myself as well-adjusted. The thing is I trust their judgment. And I think they have a pretty good idea of who I am. So that only leaves the idea that I don’t. That’s intriguing, don’t you think?
I might not have made that leap, had they not made some comments about their writing which I found to be utterly false. People can have such funny ideas about themselves and it’s unnerving to find you may be one of the many deluded.
I was talking today with the oldest, who is even better than I at reading people. She made the comment that lately she just can’t tell, that people surprise her all the time. I don’t know why I mention this except that maybe all those assumptions I make about patients or even all of you, maybe those are off, too.
The idea that your perceptions are off, especially about yourself, well it’s just limitless.
Comments (19)
As you know, I went thru this very thought process last summer with the great aunt I adore. She has given me years of advice that was dead on. She is my compass. So, when she pointed her craggy finger my way and exclamed to me who she thought I was, well, it hit me hard. I have been grappling with her assessment in bits and pieces since that moment when she said I was someone who I believed I WAS NOT.
Now, yesterday I had a very dark day, culminating from weeks of a brewing storm, because my family (mother, sister, etc.) and I are not seeing eye to eye, and they want me to be the one who bends to breaking. I am struggling. I am fighting to not be a pain in the ass, well, any more than need be.
Here’s what I did: I drug out all my old journals to see if there was something in my character that I just was not seeing. These journals span at least 25 years. I wanted to find my fault, to see it written in my own hand, so I could understand them. I spent all day doing this. All freaking day…in my pajamas…trying to find my weakness. ~ Cue saddest music ever here ~
Wanna know what I found? I found the me I know me to be. Strong. Honest. Forgiving. Fair. I found my strength.
I am not who they want me to be. And that, dear friend, is the issue. Their issue. Period.
Man, I am free today. Now, you go be…free…to be the you you are. Cause, girl, you rock.
Oh, yeah…..FIRST!
What kind of church is it? I don’t judge denominations, but I want to get a better feel for the place, I guess. As for not knowing people, yeah. It’s tough sometimes. Some people lie so well, and some people are so far from my wavelength that even I cannot understand them. I don’t always read people well at first, but I can usually sympathize with them, make them feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth about themsleves. Or so I’ve been led to believe. Missed you this weekend. Will write more later, I hope.
i find that we only see other ppl thru the lens they project. sometimes, it is real and sometimes it’s false. my father has always talked about how short and chubby he was. when a very close friend met him, she said, in utter surprise, he’s not fat or short! but his perception of himself colored the way i perceived him and it took an outsider to readjust my image of him to something closer to the truth. i have another friend who projects himself as confident, nearly arrogant but it’s a cover for an ultra-sensitive, super sweet guy. sometimes i lose who he really is bc i believe the outward project is truth and forget the hidden side. so i’m w/the eldest- ppl are surprising- ain’t life grand!
I think different people different perceptions. What we see ourselves, what people see us, and what we are are three different things that have overlap. You are very sensitive not only about people’s comment about you but also how your perception toward people.
Hope you can sleep better. I hate insomnia:)
IF any of my friends thought i was ‘sane’ i’d have to stay the hell away from them
My best friend growing up says my site is SUBVERSIVE
that’s why sometimes I think that a show like “Survivor” yes… a reality show, would be an excellent way to learn about oneself. I often think that I know how I react and interact with people and I am GOOD at it. But I wonder if it’s really true…
Personal definitions for normal or well adjusted are as subjective as musical tastes. What’s well adjusted for me, I wouldn’t necessarily wish on anyone else. I certainly wouldn’t trade an inch of my personal peace over the sugar sexed conversational rambling of some dingo yahoo.
In my opinion, so long as you aren’t out continually creating pain and havoc for others, you are well-adjusted enough for me.
I can’t figure out how to word what i want to say…so ill just say that I’m reading, as always, even if im slow.
And that I like you how you are, whatever it may be:)
Perhaps you are not who you know yourself to be, to that person. Who they know is colored by their perceptions of the world (or lack thereof). They know only know who they choose to see. The same can be said of ourselves and our perceptions of ourselves. Is there one true person we are in all situations, to all people? I think perhaps there are different perspectives within, and each true friend knows a slightly different person than the next.
i wonder if he even realize the full impact of what she said. but people change, from one moment to the next and often in the context of their environment. so perhaps as the world continues to spin, at certain moments, you are not perfectly well-adjusted and your (sister, is it?) oldest loses her perceptive qualities
Observing yourself without being yourself while you observe is nearly impossible. The whole concept of meta, rising above–it always still touches the actual in some way. That’s hokey sounding but I cannot figure out how to better phrase it. It’s so interesting when people you know and trust say things about you that conflict (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse) with your internal view. People see me as ultra-confident but I see it as willing to move forward without knowing. I think people see me as unemotional but I see it as holding things close for fear of being hurt, as if not expressing feelings protects me, which I know is a falsehood but is ingrained I fear. But it’s not that I don’t feel. It’s that I don’t express. One of my best friends is so darned creative–yet when I say that she looks at me as if I’m crazy. She can walk up and talk to anyone, drawing out their stories–and then says she cannot venture into some business interest area because she’s not a big communicator! What comes easy to us is undervalued I fear.
RYC: I wish you were nearby too, just for the conversation we could have walking through the nursery!
Hey…that kind of thinking will make you nuts! Walk with what you know. I have a very dear friend….She told me two years ago that I was the most arrogant person that she had ever known. Now we have been friends for 18 years…And she was just telling me this? But I did trust her and still do…and so I took to heart her words…and after giving it some thought….I cast off her words. What she interpreted as “arrogant” was in my reality a knowing of who I am; walking in my personal power. I know what my gifts and my weaknesses are. Later we discussed it. I was glad that she felt she could talk to me about it…but it said more to both of us about her, then it did me. I’ve read your posts…you seem fine to me. You seem honest, sincere, caring, intelligent and seeking to continue discovering who you are in this world….Yeah I think you’re just fine.
I have sometimes been shocked when someone makes an observation about me that is not at all what I see in myself….but I still trust my own assessment because I know things about myself ,inner dialog etc that someone else is not going to discern. Your friends may see part of who you are but you probably have a better grasp on the whole person.RYC I have no notion how my three headed alien came into being,,,but I know she reflects different facets of the same person…speaking of which I have crossed some magic line..I am now able to say I am mildly eccentric….you have seen me morph more then once…I do not shine…or plod or muddle…sorry and I will add I do not think I can safely call myself well adjusted…but I am sane which i guess will have to do…peace….Mia Lucia…the main reason I changed my name online is so I can type something more self affirming when I sign on…..
Something they said about their writing indicated they thought you weren’t well adjusted… Pru! I mean I hope it wasn’t me, firstly, because I loved talking to you at length the other night and think I am so lucky to have such a beautiful, intelligent, talented, and wise friend, and you are so Alive, exploring so many things, reaching out, it’s fabulous. Whoever it was and whatever they said it sounds like inference on your part a little. Maybe they didn’t mean that at all…
Van Gogh wrote to his brother that he had painted a peaceful bedroom scene – the “Bedroom at Arles” painting – and, oh my gosh, it is writhing with energy, motion, strain, colour. When an artist does that, sees the opposite of what they’ve done, it’s called pathetic fallacy.
Sometimes if a = b, b = c, a is not equal to c. There may have been no inference about you at all. Or there may have been.
Is it that important? Considering what you’ve got/been through/been given, you are an incredibly well-adjusted person! And you know it, and I know it, and so should they.
(((Big hugs)))
if it’s any comfort, most people I meet initially think I’m weird or odd…
it’s up to them to find out that there’s musch more underneath the surface…
I feel I know you too, Dear Prudence (~ The sun is up, the sky is blue… It’s beautiful and so are you…)
That it keeps you up may or may not be a good thing. Musing on perceptions is perfect for gaining new ones, but sleep is under-rated too. I hope it’s not wrong that our perceptions change amd grow or mutate with new ideas. It is an intriguing concept and maybe I glamorize the journey of finding oneself a bit, but I love to think that even as I mature, I will still have wiggle room to change even in my perceptions. I think we’re all changing gradually and sometimes dramatically and those who don’t see us (not necessarily physically either) for a time after we’ve changed may be un-nerved by the changes. Nothing is static, at least I hope it’s not because I know many folks who think I am deluded and that my perceptions are off about myself. But I can’t do anything about their perceptions and I’m not sure I wnat to even try. Your perceptions of yourself are the only ones that count in the end. Boy, this is a good topic and it’s rife with points of view and ideas!
I agree with buyit‘s comment. The fact that it bothers you suggests you need to check yourself, but unless you have reason not to, trust your own conclusions. Not being “well-adjusted” could mean nothing more than you don’t live your life the way they think you should.