March 13, 2006
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Sunday
Lonliness lifts, as the noise level looms overhead, like a blanket, a comforting quilt of humanity. I self-consciously carry my cup past squares of all colors, communal tables, where I spy an empty patch for me. One spot left, I sit next to the head of the table, oblivious at his laptop. Across from me is the head’s mate and next to me is a knitter. She is making pumpkin, orange mittens. She finishes the right hand and tries it on for size, holding it up for her friend to see. I make a mental note: learn to knit.
There are just as many singles as couples and just as many men as women. If fact I’m hard-pressed to think of an easier amalgamation of folks to fit in with. The couple studying leaves and a young, blonde girl, with roots, takes over the head of the table.
It’s Sunday, and we are at the church of coffee, Crema. I say church because they have baked goods on a par with all things holy. Between bites of my muffin I am reading “Plan B,” and she’s writing about the death of their dog. Bella’s death feels fresh and raw; Lamotte has opened up the wound. Fortunately I took two napkins and, with the noise level, the knitter and the blonde don’t notice my sniffling.
Anne describes her dog’s last breath, just like I remember it, only I was at the vet’s and Lamotte was under her bed where the dog had crawled, to die. What ensued at her house was a wake. I went home to an impossible puppy who had, in some part, been the death of my beloved Bella.
Grief among strangers, especially boisterous ones — They may not have been but the more traditional church-goers were filtering in with children and the noise level had reached a new decibel, bouncing off the concrete floor and glass walls. I took my used napkins and exchanged them for toilet paper in the bathroom, having a little time-out. Then I left.
You don’t realize how quiet it is when you live alone. I didn’t want to go back to that. I was near the Tao of Tea and out of my latest substitute for coffee: Toucha, sometimes called Camel’s Breath. It is a very rich, black tea and to my knowledge available nowhere else. They sell tea in one building and serve tea with food in another. After my purchase I went next door to hear the waterfall and have their sublime samosas, pockets of potatoes and peas with garlic.
One, lone candle burns in the center of the copper counter, day or night. One chef moves deftly behind that counter, and just one waitress watches over us. Whereas Crema is huge, the Tao is small. Crema is all hard surfaces, and the Tao is rich in texture, with handmade bamboo furniture and brightly colored cushions. The sound of the waterfall overrides gentle conversation. Crema’s durable open space lends itself to much movement but one is careful in the Tao not to upset the many teacups and pots along the wall. I dipped my pockets of dough into flavored yogurt and poured another cup of African tea.
© 2005 pd Brown
Comments (20)
Lovely writing. I get the feel that you are watching life not participating. I do not know if that is true just a feeling I get. Perhaps I am equating my time of lonliness with yours. There was a time in my life it did not matter how many people I was with I was lonely. Now I am often alone by choice but never lonely. I think the difference is that I filled that hole in my soul with Higher Power. But one cannot experience Higher Power without filling up with people, for he lives and moves only through the spirit of each of us. Judi
Kinda lost here
Amazing writing, and I adore you ever more. I’d love to see that coffeehouse of yours, your mecca, but I’m still reveling the fact that I gave up coffee, ice cream, and alkyhall for a few more weeks, at least. Tao of Tea sounds great. The name is catchy, but the way you describe the place makes it sound worthy of its name. I would love to stitch’n'bitch with you – I’ll bring my plastic crochet hook and gnarled yarn and go to town just laughing and breaking into song or meditation or stories. And pet the pup
are you feeling lonely or are you enjoying the lone-ness? awesome decriptive writing here- you at some of your best
and i love that line about poetry too.
i have loved the tone of your last few posts- reminds me of a watercoloring…
Sublime writing. I love it.
Great descriptions…..I could really see the people around you at Crema. Had to look up the address; I might take a little break there myself sometime. I wish I could draw better–I’d take my design notebook and sketch possible designs over a chai and a pastry.
Somewhat of a look from the outside, if that was what you were going for? Not sure..Melancoly? Again not sure. I do understand the silence of living alone, not my cup of tea for sure.
I do admire the grief process with the dog though, very touching. marilyn
Vivid, captivating and so personal! Please check out my sight because there are a couple of photos there I thought you might like.
It is so real the way you have written. I am envious.
The last few posts make me wish you had a book out I could curl up on the couch with! Lovely writing. Find May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude–or any of her other journals if you can’t find that one. But that one would resonate with you now I think. In fact, maybe I’ll go curl up with it tonight and begin rereading it.
very visual..i think id like the tea room better:)
Very nice. I feel for the dog owner and for you. I had a cat that died a couple years ago, and I felt the same way. No one can understand it–”it was just a cat.” They don’t know.
I haven’t seen you around, so I thought I’d revisit and subscribe. Office also has been very quiet. Must be the change of the seasons.
Lynn
Forgot to mention that I’m a tea fanatic. if we had a Tao of Tea, I’d be there every day.
Not sure I could live without coffee shops. Tea is a home thing for me.
The juxtaposition of the two environments is lovely. I seems as if you had the best of both worlds. Samosas are seriously delicious (we make them every new year’s as of two years ago, starting a yummy tradition). I can relate to going home to a quiet house and not wanting to. It’s great when you need it, but a waterfall is just as great when you need that. The imagery here has me sitting right with you in both spots. Very cool.
ryc: Thank you once again. That girl has appeared three days this week. I can’t be sure of anything yet though.
Just in case you’re bored again this Saturday. It’s foolish, but it could be fun. WHo knows, by then you’ll have had a world of adventure again.
Are you retired?
Warren Buffett may not have made much money lately because the money he manages is just too big — billions. Even if he made 1% from a billion dollars, that is still ten million dollars. Him making at least ten million dollars in one year is much more than I can make a year. =)
As for Las Vegas Sands, I don’t know much about the company. I assume it is related to gambling. Tell me, why did you bought it in the first place? If you cannot pinpoint the answer in one succinct paragraph, it may be better if you invested in index funds. If you do have a good reason for buying it (like it is undervalued and the business and management are good), then you should be HAPPY when it was down 8%, because now it is cheaper and you can buy more.
I did not mean to be condescending and it is unfortunate I gave off the wrong impression. The “succinct paragraph” idea come from Peter Lynch, one of the most successful portfolio managers in the US. It is imperative you can give a good, precise reason for your choices because you CANNOT be wrong about money. Stock selection is not like Buddhism; there are not many ways for Nirvana. You are either right or wrong.
As for LVS issuing new shares, it is certainly a reason for the price to drop. Because there is a rational reason for the price drop, I do not think you should be happy. What LVS did was screw its existing shareholders by issuing new shares. Good, positive cashflow companies would usually BUY BACK shares as a tax-efficient form of returns for its shareholders. Basically, management’s reason to issue new share in the market is bs. Be careful when managers are not straight-forward with shareholders, it may be a sign of managers are not acting in the best interest of shareholders. From your comment on “Wynn is doing well….” and downwards, I got lost. Are you saying LVS is providing the only place for people in China to gamble?
Yes, I just graduated. Right now, I am trying to work in “asset management” field. My wish is to become a portfolio managers that works for the best interest of my clients. I want to provide people who trust me with their money a return equal to or higher than the S&P 500. I do not know if I will be an active manager like Peter Lynch or a passive manager like ones in Vanguard. There is one thing I will promise you as asset manager: I will not conform. I will not charge fees up the wazoo if I am not performing well.
Lamotte opened a wound for you and you for me. I am refeeling how it was when my Rani died — not at the vet’s or under the bed but on the family room floor where I lay beside her until she was gone. Tao sounds like the right place to be in/after that mood. Very nice writing.