March 7, 2006
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I am humming, and I don’t mean singing. I just got up to feed the dog and heat up some soup — It’s 9pm and I forgot to eat dinner. When I stood I noticed that high-pitched frequency I get with too much coffee. I only had tea today.
I get that buzz sometimes when I’ve written something that feels right. I’m not sure if it’s the length of time it takes to whittle it down; finetuning, getting so immersed I am the words, or if it’s divine intervention; a collaborative affair that leaves me spinning.
I’m up to 41,343 words, which I’m thrilled about, but for those of you who did Nanowrimo it’s three months too late and 10,000 words short. I figure I’m well over half-way there, though, and with the time I was away I got back into the habit of working on it a little every day so the end is in sight.
I have become a much more patient woman in my 50s, working on my all-or-nothing tendencies. I spent the morning doing “homework” as Cramer would say. He’s my latest TV obsession: “Mad Money,” on CNBC four times a day. One caller announced today that he watches all three shows. You’ve got to be a real die-hard to watch the midnight show. I write down all his stock picks, date them, and when the quarterlies come out I cross-check them with the list. Then I do what Bob taught me. I go to Morningstar to check the balance sheet, Yahoo for the statistics, Fidelity to get an idea of what the competition did and my own financial page to check the charts and any news. I make a list of the ones which pass those tests and put a check on the stocks I want to buy. Only problem is that today the timing seemed to be off.
Five hours later I was getting a shower, feeling defeated. But after my session in the sauna, I remembered it was just homework. Timing is everything and I can wait. I did my floorwork, a little shimmy with some arms, put away the folded laundry, and the next thing I knew it was time for Cramer’s three o’clock show and a little coffee ice cream.
Wanting to at least accomplish a chapter, I put on that piano music again and was transported back to 1997. Over and over I’d listened to Jonny play. Measure after measure of metered pain, he told my story. It was his story, too. I listened to him weave in and out of new beginnings and false endings, hearing whimsy turn to passion. I recognized danger, riveted by the descending register. He’d pound the keys, calling up my narrow escape from infidelity. I put that music away for five years. When I brought it out yesterday I was shocked. I had no idea I was living in such secrecy, with so much grief. And the passion, I was stunned by its intensity. The hope I still have.
Comments (32)
What a life! At least you seem interested in what you are doing. I see you as having a great capacity for learning anything.
When I see you have updated I know I am in for something good. And, again, it was.
I can’t wait to be a patient woman in my 50s…
(pretty ironic sounding, isn’t it?)
sounds like a perfectly well balanced day! i’m glad you’re still writing. i was afraid that you had stopped completely.
i just started on a 1968 novel, and the stuff i uncovered is gonna rock your world
Hoping to get it finished by Bloomsday, and amazingly it has a Herman Hesse feel to it, which comes as a surprise since i only read him three times
Sounds like a great day but time flies, Judi
Wow! I hope that you keep on writing!
I love the way you brought us through the music and you. A treat. I understand that buzz, too. I think I’m going to mess up my schedule today. Sleep in the afternoon and stay up at night to be with my late-working husband. His sleep habits are pissing me off, so I’m going to try his and see how they fit.
Hey… i am friends with Sare_meegan and i have lost touch with her, and i remembered u guys commented to eachother back and forth..so if u hear from her or have her xanga can u please send me a comment, it is kayla..old xanga use to be kay_baby_89 and my new one i can get messages At is forever_Sad_89
please and thank you,
Kayla
I’m writing too, really writing and not just blogging! It feels so excellent, doesn’t it.
I love how music can transport you back in time.
RYC: pretty trite lines right? The belly dancer was at Arabian Nights – an annual gala in K-town.
Things are looking up here, glad to know you are writing again, you are always such a delight to my senses..please blog more often, I’m always so disappointed when you don’t…marilyn
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Is investing your money your full-time job?
I’m voting more for minister also. I guess I’ll have to explain what I meant by teaching and grammar to the rest of them.
mmm… passion. I wrote about how much I enjoy that this morning when I was writing my ‘morning’ pages… …. ryc: another flower on the back? I offer it with just the flower on the front too, nothing on the back.
Thanks for your feedback, I know I can count on you for honesty.
The picture you had in the leather jacket was not butch at all. Maybe it was a little kinky because of the leather, and because you look more sexually experienced than Britney Spears or April Lavigne, for instance. I think Kathy Bates is way, way sexier than either of the aforementioned teenybopper icons. Kathy Bates has a sexy look in her eyes, and a very sexy mouth with a little bit of an overbite…I remember in “About Schmidt” when she got into the jacuzzi and her rolls were jiggling and Jack Nicholson was fleeing, I was thinking to myself, “Hell no I woudn’t flee, I’d sink into that!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmm…..” She played a very credible lesbian in “Primary Colors”, by the way. Crewcut and sardonic and suicidal and full of U-haul drama. Lesbians whom I see on Xanga tend to be under 30, under 25 in fact, and your readers, I think, while mostly female, tend to be over 30, and, while basically in support of a feminist political agenda, tend to be a lot more square, and interested in dating men. Lesbians very seldom have foot fetishes, the only one I really met on Xanga who could be said to pay attention to her and her partner’s feet and toenails a lot is http://www.xanga.com/mel79, and she lives in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and runs around barefoot all summer- she hardly ever updates. Any time I ask a lesbian what her ex-girlfriend’s shoe sizes were, she has great difficulty remembering. And they are not turned on by other women’s foot and sock odors to the extent that men are.
Men and feet- it is a man thing, and gay men have fetishes for other men’s feet, it’s not unknown, there are groups that meet for this purpose in New York, I think. As far as men and women’s feet, stockings, shoes, pantyhose, etc. etc. etc., there are whole magazines, such as “Leg Show”, and a great many websites such as http://www.inthefeetofthenight.com and http://www.toewigglers.com, devoted to those of us who get all hott and bothered about this…sigh…
Celibacy is okay if you need some down time and don’t want to kiss any more frogs for a while, and wait for them to turn into Prince Charming. What did Julia Roberts say? Something about doing another movie: “I’ve reached a position where I don’t have to get feared into doing anything!” Not being desperate is important, and you, Prudy, like to play around in the stock market here and there with your retirement savings, plus, what was your ex’s name, Henry or something like that? From what you’ve written about him, he was often very cranky and surly and it must be an albatross off your neck not having him around anymore…I don’t mean to come across as flippant…
Bye now, I have to go finish trying another motor vehicle case today. I already explained to my client that we are unlikely to be successful, so that she wouldn’t have any unrealistic expectations.
You know, I haven’t left a comment here in a while and I don’t read all of your posts, but I think about you from time to time. It’s nice to talk to a grownup here on Xanga. 18 year olds don’t always have much in common with me, daddy bought them a car and they’re still whining.
RYC: Yes, I dozed through The English Patient, twice, even being a fan of Ralph Fiennes. Hubby liked it very much, though. On the other hand, I loved Crash whereas he thought it was preachy. Go figure, huh? I guess that’s why they make chocolate AND vanilla–because we’ll all like something different given the chance!
41,343 words sounds great to me! Good for you~
Your posts are so interesting and create pictures in my head. I can only imagine what the book would do. I’m just catching up with the last few posts and agree that you are blessed with a real interest in life/living.
RYC: The wordplay went back to a previous post I had done about meditation. Some of my readers choose not to believe but respect my choice to do so, and that particular wordplay was directed at them.
Let your passion continue to shine! Happy Belated Birthday to your daughter. May she age as gracefully and with as much spirit as you! (Man, I hope that doesn’t make it sound like I’m calling you old, cuz I’m not… and I’m digging the hole deeper.)
I don’t know what Nanowrimo is, but that is a substantial amount of words. You are being so productive and in the right places it seems. You make me want to hear theis Jonny play too. To evoke a passion so strong and worth keeping, that is a talent.
ryc: I was just home for lunch and read your comment. I am not sure what you mean, but so far you’ve never been far off in your estimations. A bit of the old dark has just been over is all. Will weather through fine. Spring is just nearly here.
I loved reading the last paragraphs…it’s such an explosion of energy.
hi. i wrote 48,000 words over the summer and just went back to it to weed, trim, and fill. i love the eupohoria of writing, even the really painful stuff. it just seems to spill out.
i do want to do the thirty day thingy, though. i think it is fascinating.
ryc again: No I loved that comment on the 28th, I printed it out! That and few other lines were directed at some who lurk about, I wanted them to see that, to maybe get a dialogue started. I think it might have worked to a degree. One has spoken. The woman was a mother to two very divided souls and maybe it is the peace maker in me, and maybe the woman just wanted to use me, but in any event, it was a provocation to both and others to open lines of communication honestly again. We’ll see I guess. You, Pru are empowering because you are honest and I count on it! Thank you for that.
Are you retired and just investing for fun or are you making enough off of your investments to support yourself? Sorry if the question is too personal, but that’s were I want to be someday (making a living for myself just investing in the stock market).
What is your investment strategy?
Hi Prudy. I had to tell you, it’s a small start, but a start. Two of my pieces are posted on an online magazine acommonsense. Check it out if you like the pieces are titled: “Cracked” & “Please”
http://www.acommonsense.com/content/view_category2.php?cat=Poetry It’s a start, right?
RYC—ALL Black movies aren’t campy
Well honestly, let’s say 95%
Looking to me for contemporary movie criticism is like waiting for Godot…the last movie i really WANTED to see was Wings of Desire, although i did go see LOTR every xmas day it was showing
IF i catch a movie on cable and it makes an impression THEN you may see a review of it.
Sounds like one of those days I have all too rarely, when everything works, including the muse. The solder flows, the bezel closes, and the metal bends just so.
RYC: At Ikea, in the cafeteria. Swedish meatballs, too.
I hear you about the buzzing…well-described! I’m buzzing right now myself…but not because of coffee! Have a great day! :>)
Oh I’m snapping out of it! This month brings with it heavy workloads and I will have it all in line by Monday General! Also, and this is a bit weird. I have had this character floating around in my head for three or four days now, and she starts off really hating herself. I typed the thoughts I had of her out tonight because thinking of her put me in a state. I tell you what, now that the first bit of her is out, I feel like a weight has been lifted and the rest is all kick ass and plotting. That has never happened to me before. I’m caller her Ticker for now, but that will change as soon as the workload lightens. Thank you Pru.
Keep going with the writing every day. It’s the only way I fear. What’s the piano music? I need some emotional gut-wrenching new music! Keep the hum going. It’s a good sign!