February 11, 2006
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I am reluctant to divulge this latest idiosyncrasy but I am dying to know if anyone else has this happen to them. As you know, I am on a path, several paths it seems like, but they are converging. Whether I am in a class or talking to some stranger I’ve met, I find tears come to my eyes when something important is being said, something I’m supposed to know.
It happened when the lady in leopard was talking (I had written ”the Jewish lady” but I was uncomfortable with it) I think it might have been when we were talking abut screenplays. Yes, that was it. I remember now because the guy standing next to her booth recognized the name of the teacher at Portland State she was telling me about. And I remember hoping he wouldn’t notice that I’d teared up. I liked this Byzantine necklace of hers but I couldn’t afford it so she said she’d barter. I tried to think of what I might do for her and “edit” is what came out of my mouth. Her eyes got kind of big and that’s when she told me about this screenplay she’d written.
The tearing-up happened in the last class I took, something I haven’t mentioned because it’s too complicated. I mean the theory isn’t. I took notes for two solid hours but in one sentence she nailed the theory and that’s when the tears came. So I know this ancient Mayan practice called The Four Shields, which goes back 40,000 years and which was rediscovered in the 1900s is going to be important to me.
It’s getting to the point where I need to have a pen and paper ready ALL the damn time because I’ve already forgotten the other times this last month when it’s happened. I know it happened at the garden class I took last weekend because I remember hoping the teacher didn’t see. I was sitting right in front, as usual. Oh, wait, I just remembered what it was. Wow, once again, it was the one, defining sentence which summed up the method of designing a garden. Holy shit. These tears — And I don’t want you thinking I’m crying or anything. You know I don’t cry. There’s not even enough for two tears. One gets half-way out and before anyone notices I pull myself together. But really what I want to do is sob at the joy; revel in the beauty of this divine knowledge. Oh, how I could go on about that garden class. And the next one is organic gardening 101. But I digress. I must tear up, not only when the subject matter is important but when the sentence is key. God’s hitting me over the head with it.
Up ’til now I’ve just taken it as a sign that I was on the right track. I kept wondering why I seemed to get off on all these tangents. Like I should just finish the fucking book instead of buying more notebooks and filling them up with all these class notes. I don’t seek these classes out. I get emails and either they’re free or less than $20 and always something I’m interested in.
So now you know one more weird thing about me. Does this happen to anyone else?
Comments (30)
Now that you mention it, yes, it has happened to me a few times and I was surprised at finding myself so touched. It is like you connect with something and you didn’t know that a connection existed. Sometimes your awareness about things around you, life in general, has become better and these tears are an indication of the joy of recognising that.
It may also have something to do with getting older(I didn’t really want to say that).
Your comment about worrying after reading the first line of my post made me tear up as it reconfirmed the connection.
Wow, yes Mam happens to me all the time. Are you in Portland, so am I. Judi
That never happens to me, I think people wait until I leave to say profound things. Some people won’t even tell interesting stories until I go away. Maybe because they think I’ll steal it. Which I will. Now if I cried at stupid things, I would cry all the time. And most of those times it would probably be me just talking to myself.
RYC: 1) All WHAT days at “the synagogue”? Who said we were religious?
2) That was my YOUNGER brother who died in an accident.
3) I don’t know if my father really “adored” my younger brother Homer. He was quite spoiled, private schooling. He wasn’t really close to my father, he kind of took advantage of him basically. And he certainly wasn’t close to me. He was closest to the next-to-youngest brother and that surviving brother lives right here in New York City and is not close to me at all. His wife finally got pregnant and my sons aren’t interested in giving their old toys and stuffed animals to the new little baby cousin, they want to keep all that stuff as “heirlooms”.
4) My sons are actually going to turn out better than we did because they are kept busy and aren’t hanging around smoking dope, moping about unrequited love, or other such nonsense. They don’t have a mother who beats them when they don’t eat cooked vegetables. They actually take Latin in their private school. The teachers have high expectations of those kids, it’s called Horace Mann School and P.Diddy and various stockbrokers send their children there. New York’s Attorney General Eliot Spitzer went there as a boy and he’s got 3 children in that school right now.
My younger boy got a D in Latin so my father told the other one to go over his Latin with him on the bus on the way to school and the younger boy got a 92 on his last quiz in Latin I understand.
They’ll probably get into Ivy League schools the way they’re going. I think that’s a good thing. Also, they both have purple belts in Shorinjiryu Karate-do. They ethnically are half Jewish half Chinese, they have very strong genes, no inbred chromosome abnormalities there.
Someone might think it is unusual that you “cried” in these situation. But it is not unusual that someone cries for joy which I think your case. Your tears came out because you were touched with the magnificience in the information that you came across. If I read a great poem or listen to a great song or see the beauty of nature, my tears come out. I know the tears are my emotion that I cannot express by words.
I thought it was just me and my wacked-out hormones.
(maybe I should pay closer attention at what precipitates my “tearing-up” episodes?)
No tears…but when something really clicks…I tingle. A warm, tingly feeling all over for just a moment. And then I know I got it, I understood, I’m clued in on the essential meaning. It’s a cool feeling to “get it” – however it’s physically expressed! :>)
It means you are living with an openness to reverence.
It used to happen to me when I would find little bits of perfection, and I would like to get back to that place actually. All tearing up these days is locked in self-centered crapola. You’ve got me thinking lady.
I do the same thing. Someone will say something so beautifully profound, or it’s something eerily relevant that I need to hear. Sometimes, it’s kind of embarassing. I thought I was just losing it or something.
Yes, it happens to me. The absolute perfection of the moment, and being there to appreciate it. Perhaps this is the beginning of the wisdom we’re supposed to gain with age?
I actually feel a deep…thrumming…as though I were a taut guitar string, being plucked by The Hand of God.
Or something of that nature.
It is a physical thing: a resonating that seems to echo through all of my cells.
It can cause tears, yes, but I am so busy smiling/feeling/being, I don’t notice.
And you thought you were weird.
I love you…GFW
I don’t get tears, I get shaky. Which is more embarrassing, I think. Or at least weirder looking.
RYC – that’s funny. Who would have thought anything about me would sound made up?
someone else said it so well, what we glean as we age…great post today, as always…and thanks for stopping by my place with such nice words…have a great day, be back soon.
paulygrl
I get tears and it took me a while to realize that it was because I had a blocked tear duct. Well I had surgery that didn’t take and I decided to not have it done again but to live with it. One kind of bad thing is that I cry out of only one eye but a good thing is that most women notice my tears and think I am a kind sensitive man! Another time that I would tear was after my Dad died and I took it as a sign of grieving. I believe that it is important to “read” the body in the moment. The sensations are usually indicative that something is going on and if I am aware I can learn much from the subtle signs of my bodies response to my emotions.
When I pay attention and when I am connected to God, that’s when I feel the joy of being and that joy cannot be supressed. When you let go, and have that joy-filled cry, you will step up to another level of knowing, and of being. Go do it.
I go through periods where it happens more than others. Times when the stupidest commercial on TV can reduce me to tears and times when I feel like I have a wall of steel between me and the rest of the world. I am happy to say I am in a no-tear period right now! But at the same time I know that means I am closing myself off.. sigh..
RYC: I think they call them a dowser and they carry a willow rod or branch. We used to play at it when we were kids and the branch would pull downward as we walked near the water tank on our farm.
I tear up sometimes at the strangest things, and at the sadness of people–and animals–I have never met. I found myself weeping outright a few times after reading some xangans’ accounts of their pets’ deaths, and again when reading one person’s imaginary account of Hurricane Katrina from a dog’s POV.
RYC: Hot Rod Man was sitting in his truck to stay warm by the time you left. I wish we had had a floater to relieve him occasionally; he was down there in the cold pretty much all evening. Of the five of us artists, only two of us had our ”über husbands” helping out. Mine gets big brownie points!
This post has generated the most interesting comments! I mean, the post was great but it was really interesting reading others’ similar experiences. I don’t notice a phsyical reaction. I definitely have an intense intellectual aha! reaction with flooding memories of related tidbits so that everything connects. And that’s when I want the pen and paper! Otherwise its like when you wake up from this fantastic dream and are sure you’re going to remember it all because it’s so fantastic and meaningful, but later after you’ve slipped back to sleep and then wake up again there are just these vapors in your mind, teasing you with their hints, the connections just out of reach.
The same thing happens to me…I don’t find it idiosyncratic at all.
And, as an empath I pick up the energy and emotions of those around me. I’ve sat or walked in a crowd and felt very sad, for no apparent reason, and started tearing up.
Tears and chicken skin, happens to me all the time. Why do drugs when life is such a trip?
Gotta love anyone that can talk about God smacking them on the head in one sentence, and then use fuck in the next.
I was just crying last night about my writing. And it’s because I won’t give up!
But when it comes to writing a book, you’ve got to stop meandering around with side issues and just get the first draft done. It doesn’t matter if it’s terrible. Get it down. Every writing teacher I’ve had has told me that and it works. When you have the first draft, you have something concrete you can change.
Lynn
I love your post, and your willingness to be open and share. Based on your previous posts and your victory over cancer, I would say that it is not unusual for you to cry when God reveals something to you. Actually, I often cry at things like that, and my kids think I’m crazy, but it doesn’t matter. I think that people who are open with their emotions are healthier anyway. Vivien
I tingle and thrum, as some of your other comments so beautifully put it. I tear up sometimes, but usually I save that for the sad parts in movies. I do tear up when Stephen does something beautiful or when I feel a thrum of deeply passionate love for him. It’s not a bad thing, and it shouldn’t be embarrassing. Let your feelings happen; they’re good for you! RYC: Yes, my sister is approaching her 21st birthday. I love her to bits, but she was always annoying when we were growing up in the same house. Now we talk and laugh about everything. We’re close, but I think we’re both closer to our brother, by a little bit. He’s the baby, and he’s a better listener. Kisses, Prudy!
I too thought it was my wacked out hormones, but I feel that it may also be the realization that I am still learning new things and enjoying it too!!!!!!!! Diane
oh so often- tears of joy- I thought it just had to do with my oncoming period tho…
Cry. Just do it. Like Nike. Sounds like you are coming into yourself more and more. Accepting it simply progress’s you further along the paths you seek. Least thats how I see it:)
I am always uncomfortable when I read an unnecessary qualifying adjective for a person: those words are designed to give the person reading (or listening) a quick frame of reference, i.e. these people aren’t like us, they are different “you know what I mean when I say they black, Jewish, Latino, Native American etc.” It certainly always betrays that the person’s mindset who feels the need to use them. How often do you read, the white, Protestant female…. ? I understand you discomfort, but heh you overcame it and used the word anyway.
Happy Valentine’s Day from a white Jewish West Indian.
That was some pretty bad typing in my comment. Its cos my kittens keep pawing and running across the keyboard.