February 10, 2006
-
I think I should have been Jewish. Being brought up in the Unitarian church, I was cheated out of any culture. That whole Kabbalah thing would be such a good fit.
I had an amazing conversation tonight, when I went to a trunk show that Corbow invited me to. She lives here in Portland and we read each other so she Emailed me about her jewelry show.
I liked her jewelry but when I made my way around the room, looking at the other three or four jeweler’s stuff, I ended up talking with this woman about the death of her parents. She explained that most of her jewelry had been made at the bedside of her dying parents.
She was a big woman, wearing a leopard-skin print shirt, but what caught my eye was the shape of her lips. She had great lips. I think she had glasses but I’m not sure. I vaguely remember her hair. The shirt was good on her. This was a powerful woman who made elegant, understated jewelry that packed a lot of punch. Just like her.
Something she said caught my attention but due to the delicate nature of it I had to wait until the two woman, admiring her work, left. Then I asked her:
”What do you mean about being Jewish and getting the body ready? Do you have special things you do?”
“Oh, yes. Someone has to sit with the body, from the time of death to the time of burial. And there must be a special cleaning.”
She explained the historical and the spiritual reasons.
Then she added, “And we don’t believe in embalming so the funeral has to be within 48 hours. We have special funeral parlors that only Jewish people go to” Actually I shouldn’t quote that because it’s not quite how she put it. Apparently she’s from an old Jewish family in Portland and four Rabbis came to her father’s deathbed to decide if they should take the breathing tube out.
“It is against Jewish law to prolong death” Her dad was in a coma so it was decided the rule about how you weren’t supposed to do anything to shorten a life didn’t apply.
When I asked whether they had something like a wake, she explained that the first couple nights people bring food over. You are not allowed to have a meal alone for some time.
“Also you must put sheets over the mirrors so that you are not distracted from your grief. Every day for 11 months I had to go to the synagogue, first for my mother and then with the death of my father. It is believed that when you grieve fully, it is healthier.”
I told her how I was taking that class on Journey Through Grief. About this time Corbow came over and wanted to know if we knew each other. It kind of felt like we did.
Comments (15)
You write such interesting short-short stories. I would love to read a book of them. I hate to give you a big head, I know your would rather have “special lips” like the woman in the story, but I don’t think I ever started reading one of your posts about a personal experience that I didn’t finish it and often re-read for the tone and tempo. Okay now come down to earth, you are human! Cheers.
I took several religion courses in college– and of all the ones I learned about– I thought Judaism would have suited me best. I’m one of those “dormant” Catholics.
I remember questioning anyone who would listen to me as a child on the topic of “why aren’t we Jewish?”. Jesus was a Jew. I thought it appropriate that I should be one too. To this day I am drawn to the faith, although, I have Jesus so that would kinda discount me.
The Belief-o-Matic on beliefnet.com pegged me as a Jew. But my actual religion is colorful enough for me.
WOW, girl, what an interesting story…it’s amazing how people we come across in life can make such a profound impression on us, right? you write so well, so very interesting to read…I hope you are doing good; by the way, just realized you are from Portland, my brother lives there, he is the Security Director at the Portland Art Museum.
have a great day; keep learning!!!
hugs,
paulygrl
She does have nice lips, doesn’t she? I’m so glad you came!
And I understand that if you are Jewish and VERY observant the family of the deceased has to literally bury the dead themselves, with shovels I mean, instead of letting the guys who operate the hydraulic shovel in the cemetary take care of it for them. Everybody gathers round and shovels a clod of earth at a time at a Jewish burial. Fortunately I have not been to one of those events in a LONG time, like more than 15 years. (My youngest brother died in a boating accident off the coast of New Zealand in September 1989 and they shipped his body back to New Jersey, and my mother actually hired a Conservative rabbi for the funeral.)
Yeah, a lot of things sucked about it, Prudy. Homer was 22 years old and had just graduated from Swarthmore, he went out in a sea kayak while traveling around the world by himself. He didn’t know what he was doing in a sea kayak, there was a storm, there were cliffs, and his neck was broken and he drowned and was washed up a few kilometers from his kayak and possessions. My father thinks he’d been strung out on coke and nobody told him and he’s still quite livid. I don’t know if that’s really the case but there could be something to that and Homer was 8 years younger than me so he was still into his college drug years. Ya know, I’m 5’8″, he was 6’1″ and had these incredible blue eyes, he looked like that actor who’s the lead in “Sex, Lies, And Videotape” kind of. I think he was a lot handsomer than many movie stars…he’d be 39 now if he hadn’t died. He was very brilliant, he wrote poetry and plays, won writing awards.
My father had just finished putting him through Swarthmore.
This is why he spends so much time with my two sons, who are very splendid beasticles indeed. He’s got another shot. It seems to give his life a lot of extra meaning.
I love the richness of the tradition. I love the rabbis, steeped in knowledge and genuine love for their God and their people. I’ve not yet met a rabbi I didn’t like. There is this one orthodox Jew on a hate blogring that I looked at linked off a link off a link on a censorship thing, and he’s one of the few Jews to have me fuming. Anyway, I love the way they interpret the Law like, well, like we interpret law – looking at the circumstances, the heart of the law. I have to go read KingBooger now.
You seem to meet interesting people wherever you go.
This was a great narrative of the day. That woman must have been very much at her ease with you, but I bet you are easy to talk to! The traditions do make sense, I like that you’re not allowed to have a meal alone for some time. Personally, that would probably have kept me from months of depression brought on by isolation after people have died. Just the interactions alone would have given me varied spots of insight into which I could find my context. Thanks for this. Your meetings are always good to read.
I bet going out with you would be like going out with my sister. She gets to know everybody she meets, too. I love to read these character sketches, or vignettes (or whatever they are).
My husband is Jewish. It’s a very family oriented religion and doesn’t pay to much regard to the after life, more on making life on Earth the best place it can be and whatever happens afterward happens. I think that’s why so many Jewish people are activists. Also, when my mother-in-law died, she was buried within a short time in a wooden box. I think that’s to keep with the idea of ashes to ashes. And rather than flowers in Jewish cemetaries small stones are placed by the gravestone. My thought is that as a practical people stones last longer as a memorial.
We do seem to lack traditions in general. I wish we had more…I wish I had more. It would help in more ways than I could put to paper.