February 4, 2006

• Learning the Language

  
  

  There have been a couple times in my life, where I have been deluged with information; when every waking minute I was absorbed with learning three things at once. 

  
  

  The first time was when my youngest started first grade, and I went back to school to be a court reporter.  About that time I discovered Taoism and began the five-year study, completing one level and moving onto the next, until I had mastered them all.  It was during this time I took up bellydancing, an art form no one could believe I related to but then they didn’t understand what I was doing at all those Taoist classes, either.  And with the dance, especially, I was aware of an urgency, to glean as much as I could, as fast as I could. 

  
  

  The second time I found myself overwhelmed when I had to figure out how I wanted to treat my cancer, find the docs, and learn about alternative medicine.  As usual I wanted to combine several philosophies, Eastern and Western, so that I could detox while I did chemo. 

  
  

  If that wasn’t enough, because you have very little time once they get you in the system, I was going through a divorce and it was getting dicey.  My lawyer wanted to go to court and I didn’t.  I found the process of divorce, just the paperwork and the game-playing; the dance lawyers do EXTREMELY frightening because I didn’t understand the rules.  It was just like with the doctors; they’d tell you only what they had to, and the rest you had to figure out for yourself.  I didn’t have the information I needed, to make the kinds of decisions I should have made.  Instead I left it up to my lawyer. 

  
  

  On top of that, I had to figure out how to buy a house.  My husband had always handled the money so I was clueless.  I didn’t know the first thing about a mortgage or the language.  I remember meeting with this nice young mortgage broker and then another guy who looked just like Pee Wee Herman.  My lawyer had chosen him to advise me on the portfolio that would be mine after the divorce.  I had a horrible cold and had just come from the hospital where they made me get fluids. He had a maroon and white, pin-striped shirt with a bow tie and skin just like Pee Wee’s.  I kept having to blow my nose but had no tissue.  He sat up very straight and clean and I sat there disheveled from rushing in the rain.

  
  

  I’d drag myself to all those meetings each week, in between doctor’s appointments, and I’d just take notes.  When you do chemo it’s hard to talk because you can’t find the words you’re looking for.  I’d haul around this notebook and then go home and try to decipher all the new language.

  
  

  Now I feel this same sense of rush, only it’s wonderful because I know I have the capacity for it, and I know the information is important.  My family always acted like I was wasting my time with all those crazy classes and, since I didn’t need to work, couldn’t understand why I’d want to.  I didn’t have the heart to tell them it’s what kept me sane.

  
  

  I went to a class at the herb shop last night to learn about flower essences and their medicinal use.  The woman was a naturopath and acupuncturist but, in addition, she treats her patients with flowers.  The flowers are soaked, in the afternoon sun, in spring water.  Then it’s  strained and bottled, with a little brandy, and called “the mother.”  The “stock” is a smaller jar of spring water, with a little of the mother added.  And the “dosage” is a vial with five drops of stock into more spring water and brandy.  The brandy was starting to sound pretty good.

  
  

  We all were given a textbook showing how each flower addressed certain emotional tendencies.  It was hard for me to contain myself when I discovered that while homeopathics and tinctures, from roots, address disease physiologically, flower essence is used to treat disease emotionally and spiritually.  And because Chinese medicine is founded on the principle that different emotions are held in different parts of the body and have everything to do with weakening the corresponding organ, when those emotions are negative, it only makes sense that flower essences would be included in treatment.  Oh, the research I must do!!!

  
  

  And you all have seen my craziness with the stock market.  WHICH I LOVE, now that I know what more of the words mean.  Talk about notes.  Plus I’m still writing.  The book has given way to Internet writing.  This pile of notes on my desk and the notebooks upstairs, all will find their way into the two websites I am creating, with domain names like Breast Cancer Outreach, Sitting Tao, Organic in Oregon, Cooking with Cancer, and Herbs and Cancer. 

  
  

  It all started with a drug that is awaiting approval by the FDA, for Breast Cancer, which I was writing up for the newsletter.  I also was researching it for investment purposes. That was the $1,000 I lost.  But what I gained was a comfort level in writing about things medical, things cellular. 

  
  

  I’m sorry to get so longwinded but that’s what I’ve been up to lately.  There just isn’t enough time in the day for all the cool things to learn.  And it’s all about the language.  I’m not sure where all this is going but, unlike before, I know it’s going somewhere worthwhile.  I know I can do it, and I’m not afraid to succeed. 

  
  

  © 2006 pd Brown

  • 2:16 am
  • 20 Comments