January 21, 2006
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Sorry I forgot to mention the coffee date. It went like this. I arrived early and beat her there. I chose a table by the window so I could see her get out of the car. It had been over a year since our fight, and we never saw each other again. I hadn’t spoken to her since she blocked my Email.
We were best friends, growing up together after I moved across the street in third grade. She went to a private, Catholic grade school but switched to our public high school. Every morning at the bus stop (her driveway) we’d eye each other’s make-up and check to see who had the best outfit on. It was usually a draw. We were remarkably similar and probably influenced each other’s style, even to this day.
When she’s out in the world she’s always been distant, competative. But after school, in our playclothes, taking the trail down by the creek or riding our bikes, we were like sisters.
It was so odd to watch women getting out of their cars, wondering if that was going to be her, not knowing how much she’d changed, if she’d stayed the same. She got married last month and somehow I thought that might make her different.
I’d arrived without make-up on. My getting-ready time had been cut short by the sudden downward movement of Nike. But I brought a little case in my purse and, when I saw the clock said I had ten minutes, I snuck in the bathroom.
When I looked in the mirror I changed my mind. Henry told me once, before my meeting with a woman I needed to make points with,
” Don’t look better than she does.”
I put the make-up back in my purse and went out to my chair by the window.
Realizing my phone had been turned off, I pressed on send to check for messages. She’d just called. Wow, that’s cold. She gets me here and then doesn’t show. It was noisy in Starbucks but I could hear that familiar, tear-choked,
“Prudy, I need you to call me.”
Uh-oh, now what?
I went outside so I could hear better and dialed her house.
“Daphne, are you okay? It sounded like you were crying.”
She kind of hesitated and made a noise like she was going to deny it or blow it off.
“I was. I had an unexpected disaster dumped in my lap this morning and I apologize but I can’t make it. I’ve been trying to reach you. I called the house”
“I was in the shower.”
“And then I called your cell.”
“I’m sorry. I forgot to turn it on.”
There was a second there that was like old times.
“Daphne are you okay? Is there something I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t need you for that.”
It landed with a thud and then she added,
“I could maybe meet you in a little while.”
“We can do this anytime,” I said. “You sound upset.”
“Well, I am.”
“You take care of it, and we’ll get together next week.”
“All right. Thank you.”
“Sure, bye.”
“Bye, Prudy.”
I got back in my car and thought this was probably better than our meeting would have gone.
Comments (31)
Sometimes a phone call is all that is needed.
“It landed with a thud…” I like that line.
Now you have to do everything over again next week…but since you’ve had that first sympathetic contact, it will likely be much easier.
SAFE post today…and thank god stuff like THIS don’t run thru guys minds
Imagine ME checking out my homie’s make-up
That interaction would have been enough for me for a very long time, I think.
If there are Unitarians in Transylvania…then maybe there are even Unitarians in the Ukraine! The Unitarians are supposed to be very relaxed. People who are in mixed Protestant-Catholic marriages, people who are in mixed Protestant-Jewish marriages, go to the Unitarian church so that (from having a boyhood friend, a space cadet who was always stoned, son of a mixed marriage, whose family was Unitarian) they can experience themselves as UNITS. My Unitarian buddy from high school joined the ashram of Guru Mahara Ji for a while (I guess it was Hindu) but before that he was a Buddhist and chanted “NOM MYOHO RENJE KYO”. I actually went to one of those meetings one time to see what the hell it was like, and I can tell you: NERDY. It was like PC mind control school for leftist nerds.
When my father would ask me about Peter, he’d always say, “Is he still living in an ashcan?” (Mispronouncing ashram on purpose.)
I seem to remember that Peter took a very long time to lose his virginity. It is hard to go out bar-hopping and clubbing with a dude who is vegan and insists on chanting. He’d had the best of intentions, but at a certain point, his usefulness as a wing guy was highly compromised. I mean, I went out bar-hopping with him in BOSTON, where can the ratio be more favorable to 20something guys than Boston, and he’d catch rap, but he was like totally in neutral. He was such a mook. He was in love with some girl when we were in high school, like forever, who had no idea of his space cadet ass and when she did, she totally blew him off, he sent letters from boarding school to her or something, and in retrospect I guess that she had freckles like his alcoholic mother.
It’s fun to think about other guys who I grew up with who have accomplished very little, and laugh at their shortcomings now.
Well-writ… and I feel for you here. The reunions I’ve made with broken friends have been tense. An old roommate smacked me and left school temporarily for the army is now a good Xanga friend and somebody I sort of enjoyed seeing on the bus at school. A friend for six years was slighted when I became more hermetic when my fiance moved to town. We patched things up a little bit before I invited her to my wedding but disapproved of her date (because of his past history with me and my husband). I was probably wrong, but so was she, and it’s ended things probably forever. That you and she can at least talk on the phone is a huge step. On a frivolous note, I’d like to see pictures of you all gussied up. You’re such a stylish woman, and I’d like to see what that looks like. My mom used to be a fox, but she lost her self-esteem sometime when I was little; and my “style” is conservative, a little classy, old-fashioned, and mostly messy.
I swear I almost paniced when you said you didn’t put any makeup on..wow am I insecure or what? Very brave my dear, very brave of you to make the second decision not to wear makeup..sit there just waiting..you paint such beautiful descriptions of everything that you drag us right into the moment, not just the picture..marilyn
Wow, I want to know what happened. What’s the next installment?
Like the last person, I can’t beleive you went out without makeup. I don’t wear much, but I have to have some. I think only my husband and the mailman has seen me with zero makeup. I have very dark circles under my eyes (genetic) and I won’t leave the house without some concealer.
RYC: We didn’t dump Google, because we don’t day trade. We are in our stocks for the long run. So far, my best pick was Target Corp., which has been accruing value nicely.
I will keep blogging about tennis, but Office has been very busy or something of late.
Lyn
Thanks. I had a lot of coffee. Tomorrow will be a very ugly day. Friday will be a seriously ugly day. If I walk out of there with my pension (defined contribution plan, 18 years on the job), my ass will be very, very lucky. It’s enough to cover the balance on the mortgage of the place that we are living in if need be.
Yikes.
My friend whom I mentioned, did not go to law school, hence, did not go into HIS father’s law practice, which folded upon the old man’s death and everybody sued everybody else for the money. He may not have had certain accomplishments but he also had no responsibilities. No kids. No employees. No pension fund to administer. An alleged recording studio. All these wavy gravy people who don’t have to spend their lives in downtown Newark the way I did. These “shruburbanites” as NYCJOYCE would call them. As the fates had it, I was not destined to become one of them.
I want to know what happened too. Can’t wait to hear the rest.
Still a mystery waiting to be told then, now with the added twist of wondering what disaster was dumped. RYC: very low maintenance actually. 5 minutes top. That’s all I give any hairstyle.
Ouch- I don’t need you for that. Ouch… .. RYC: THANK YOU! I need to hear all that. Great advice, always appreciated.
interesting advice about ‘not looking better’ .. we are so darn critical, of ourselves and other women. Bad habit. But it’s true isn’t it?!
“No, I don’t need you for that.”
Ouch.
Well, now that was an interesting tale.
Then what would she need you for?
I go without makeup all the time. I think we are lucky to feel so swell about ourselves that we do this. Most women are horrified at the very idea.
I say be done with this gal. But then I have my issues.
Wow, that is very nice that you do not want to look better than your friend.
Now there is a current topic for when you do meet. It’s interesting the way you used Henry’s advice, it almost parallels her actions. Not in looks but in having it together. Of course I studied your dialogue technique too! Coveting! Thank you for your e-mail. There really should be someway fo you to make money doing that. If you wanted to that is. And thank you for your evaluation of that guy. I have been thinking the same thing, but the others are so riled up. I’m backburnering the species altogeher for the moment anyhow.
Hope the week bring an upswing in your stocks.
Harry’s advice: wrong. always look your best regardless of circumstances. it’ll put you in control of yourself if not others.
as for meeting up with her, next time I’d invite her someplace you’re already going or to your house. that way, it won’t put you out if she doesn’t show
She chickened out!!! Hehehe. You’ve got the balls!
I don’t need you for that. oh my. that was….well…..thud is a good way of putting it, Prudy. (((gentle hugs))))
Her words were ill chosen…..see if she actually calls later…ryc.I was not able to be online much yesterday and I am just now responding to comments,,,there was a strong sense that something washappening that was more then mere coincidence …it was a god feeling and the knowledge has helped…..
I’m going through something painful with a friend now. Very similar and while I would like to reconnect I just don’t think it could ever be the same. And it makes me sad. I hope you are ok.
Wow. This reminded me of a friendship I used to have. I wonder what was wrong. Can’t wait to find out. Just LOVE your writing style, fact or fiction! ~Steph
As Buyit said…what then would she need you for? She sounds self absorbed, for good or ill…maybe there was as reason ya’ll parted ways beyond the obvious…
Its so hard to tell whether last Friday in the stock market was an overreaction or not. The market is impossible to predict so I’ve pretty much given up on trying. I just focus on the handful of companies I follow and I am pretty good and telling you which direction one of them is heading. If I had to venture a guess I would say the market as a whole is going to be flat or down. I’ve been saying that for a year or two now and it has been largely flat during that time period. Where do you think the market is headed?
RYC: Thanks so much for your expression of sympathy. I wrote a protected post that explains it better.
Lynn
Warm Greetings, I have an hour of comupter time and thought I would come by and say Hello, thanks for your message. I have had a wonderful journey and now a wonderful rest in beautiful Taos.
I felt for you and eveyone else that has had these experiences. I am yet to be reunited with my beloved Mother and my Sister. Long story, old wounds, unforgiveing hearts…but I still pray for the day that we may sit in each others company and shares stories, good memories and laugh and cry a little over a fresh pot of coffee or tea. I love your writing style, raw honesty, simple and sweetly touching.
Thank you!
I just don’t know why this didn’t come up on my sub list. Well, that’s a little sad that your friend was a no show. You are a great friend to understand. I think girlfriends do understand.
Sorry it didn’t work but there is always next week if you decide to go. Judi
You will remember her AS SHE WAS.